Advice on fair separation

[tangerine98]

First time posting here and looking for some advice please.

My husband and I have agreed to separate but are currently still living together as normal as I don't currently have a job and looking after our 2 children over the summer and have been through the COVID stuff. I am looking for a job at the moment and my youngest starts school in September and then they will both be at school.

Currently we are looking into options but he would like to keep our family home as he is a high earner and could afford to. We have discussed potentially buying a second house that I would live in and we plan to share the children 50:50.

I suppose I'm just a bit lost on what we be a fair settlement/agreement.

He earns 120k with bonuses and shares on top
I currently earn nothing but will expect to earn around 20/25k when back to work
Roughly 270k equity in our home
Probably around 50k in savings/investments
Unsure on share value or pensions currently

If we bought a second house with both of us on the mortgage and I was then removed from the mortgage on our family home would that seem fair? We would use savings and things to pay the deposit on a second home which would constitute as some of my share of things and he would probably have to pay half of the second mortgage and our original one moving forward.

Alternative is to sell main home and take our money and he would then be able to buy somewhere else but I would have to rent for a few years I assume until I could maybe earn a bit more and get a decent mortgage.

Sorry for rambling, just not sure of the best way forward and any advice welcomed. I have also contacted a solicitor to get a consultation.

Thanks

Personally I wouldn’t start looking at purchasing new joint assets as that will just complicate matters going forward with regard disentangling your finances

You need a view on pensions before you can assess the house equity.

Also look at child maintenance plus possible spousal maintenance ( time bound possibly to help you get on feet ) plus any other benefits you may be entitled to

With all that, what housing can you afford? What do you need ? Is that attainable ?

Bare in mind with 50:50 child care child maintenance won’t be due - is he open to paying you this still ?

There’s a whole range of outcomes possible which your solicitor will go through - the aim will be to ensure the needs of the children are met then get you both financially independent of each other as quickly as possible

Honestly your first resort should not to remain financially tied to your ex. It should be the last resort and based on needs only.

I would go after enough money to buy the house outright. You have £320k in capital not counting shares and pensions. Would the £320K buy you a house ?

You didn't seem to rate your contribution to the marriage very highly. Nor have you mentioned what would be best for the kids. Its all about what he wants. Go see a solicitor because I think you need someone to help you think more about you and the kids

@millymollymoomoo you are right about the second house, maybe not a good idea.

We currently have a 5 bed house which is bigger than we need anyway so I would actually only need a 3 bed for me and the children and him the same. He just really believes that it's his money and always has done really and that's why he should be able to keep the house etc... and would probably be very difficult if we had to sell it.

I really want it to remain amicable as everyone does but his trigger is definitely money and I can see that it might get a bit difficult already. I've been at home with the children for 5 out of the 6 years since we've had them while he has made himself a very nice career which he does very well in now.

I think I really need to get a solicitor to give me the facts but also for him to see one and have someone make him see a bit of sense!

@LemonTT definitely starting to think second house is a bad idea! I could definitely buy something with 320k but also I hope to be back to work as soon as possible and then could probably borrow a small amount to top up.

@PicaK this has really struck a chord with me to be honest. He has made me feel like my contribution isn't much and that it's his money and he shouldn't have to give me much etc... and I've been so blinded by wanting to friendly for the kids that I've sort of let him.

He is a very good father and works from home and always has so he feels like he's contributed to their upbringing as much as me even though he's been able to work and I haven't and he does none of the practical things in life apart from cooking really.

I think I'm going to have to toughen up a bit!

Unfortunately your DH needs a reality check, and I'm not sure the best way for him to receive this so that he absorbs it properly. (Probably not best coming from you.) But in divorce, your contribution of looking after the children is identical to his monetary contribution. (Of course there are rare exceptions, but they really need to exceptionally exceptional.)
So please stop thinking in terms of how much money he has contributed - you have both contributed equally in the eyes of the law. It can be very difficult for the money-earner to accept this fact. Good luck OP. Get good legal advice/representation, and I hope things can remain amicable - but please don't give up your rights just to remain amicable.

So together you have £320k equity and capital.
Plus I would guess DH has a fair amount in his pension.
You need to find out about your pension, and shares.

But just based on what you know of £320k, your half would be c£160k. Could that get you a mortgage, once you've got a job?

In the same boat here OP, we're quite far into our divorce (should be getting the decree nisi next week 😁) but the finances took an age to sort out. His opinion is that as he earns 4x what I do that everything in the house is his and he should be entitled to more. We settled 50/50 on the house in the end, although he has a bigger pension, more expensive car and no credit card bill, although at this point I just want to get out so am happy to settle as I have enough to buy somewhere nice for me and the DC's

I should also mention that theres a chance the judge will award me more when it goes to court as he will be better off than me, and the DC's standard of living with both parents needs to be taken into account.