After 27 years together and three children ages 17, 15 and 12, I left my marriage 12 months ago. He is a good man, a brilliant father but I constantly felt lonely in the marriage because he struggled to be intimate with me in any way. There were long-standing problems in our sex life that despite two lots of counselling we had never resolved and I needed more. I had lost all confidence in myself and I didn't like who I had become and what my future looked like. I deliberated for over a year about leaving and I shared my feelings with him but he dismissed them, at one point saying, "you'll never leave this family".
I finally got the courage to go and he and I have shared custody of the kids. After I left he wanted me back for six months but I still needed time and couldn't commit to coming back at that stage. After that he and I both started seeing other people and now are in other relationships. My new partner is lovely but his ex wife is constantly attacking us verbally through emails and when he collects his kids which has been very difficult. I thought I was happy but a year on I think of him increasingly and constantly wonder whether I did the right thing. In the last few months he has been pushing for the divorce and we now have the Decree Nisi through. Financial negotiations are still ongoing and it's painful.
On a drunken night a few months ago at a family event I confessed to missing him, I guess in the hope he might respond. He was also upset and hugged me but said he was with her now. I have not and will not pursue him as I know it's wrong to do so for everyone involved. I chose to leave him and now I just have to accept it. I want to try and commit fully to this new relationship and stop having these stupid thoughts.
I suppose my question is, is it normal to feel like this or does this mean something else? Does it go away over time? How can I reconcile myself to all this??