The main thing that is stopping me from walking out and reclaiming my own life is my asc 12ds. Dh doesn’t/cannot parent him without getting shouty, cross and making things 20million times worse (from my asc ds’ point of view. He’s fine with disagreements with nt dd)
Dd is fairly nt , loving, sensible but immature 14yo, who - were I to leave-: would end up taking the ‘buffer’ role that I currently take between my Ds and dh,
That’s not fair on her. Neither would leaving asc ds to deal with a parent who won’t/can’t parent.His mental well-being would really suffer.
Dh has agreed he’s likely on the spectrum as well. The main impacts of this on the children and I are random days where he is in a horrible mood slamming doors, getting cross, spending the day with his head in his hands laid across various pathways in he house, so we have to step over his despair. Then the next day, as if by magic, it’s like nothing happened and he is as happy as larrry. I can’t cope with not knowing when he is going to switch to grumpy,non communicative dh and, I admit, have for the last few weeks, have been monosyllabic in my responses back to him, which can’t help.
So I stay, How do I do this and keep my sanity intact? It is maybe up to 8 years till the kids are way from home.