How much will dh’s earnings be taken into account?

[ChittyChittyBoomBoom]

Dh are separating. I work part time earning 20k (I’m obviously willing to work full time) and he earns 80k. We both have pensions.

His solicitor has says that I would be looking at getting 10k more of the equity in our house to compensate for his high earnings. I haven’t had any advice yet but will be doing.

I was just wondering roughly what I can expect.

The "would Dad need to put the kids in childcare when Mum could have them" question seems to be case-specific. I see examples on here of it being incorporated into orders (Mum getting first refusal before Dad can book childcare), but IRL I know several separated dads and none has that clause in their Child Arrangements Order. My husband's ex tried that on, and argued that he should only be allowed contact if he was present and not working at all times, and she was firmly told that Dad was entitled to half of school holidays even if his annual leave wouldn't cover it - even if the kids were in childcare on some of his time, he'd still see them of an evening. In the event, my parents-in-law look after my stepkids if DH is working during holiday contact (which only happens for 1-2 weeks each year, as annual leave covers the rest), so it's a useful opportunity for them to build relationships with their extended family.

Just remember that HIS solicitor is not describing the law in a neutral way, but instead trying to get the settlement that your husband has instructed them to try.

His solicitor should take to the stage go and get your own good solicitor and take THEIR advice.

What @PicsInRed said. Get some good legal advice please.

His solicitor talking or your stbx telling you what his solicitor is saying.
Pay no attention, this is a long marriage with a huge disparity in income, get thee to your own solicitor for advice, do not agree to anything before then.

I'll get flamed for this but if you need money don't agree to the 50/50. Even if you do a 4/3 arrangement with you getting them most will mean he will have to pay a hefty hunk of child maintenance to you.

Chubbyhotchoc

Child maintenance eventually finishes or exes try not to pay. A capital settlement at the outset for what she is deemed to be due is better. Until all assets have been declared such as pensions she may well be entitled to a far greater share of equity in the property. Always always get proper legal advice.

aaargh Woman using the children as a financial weapon. No surprise there then.

OP - Get independent legal advice ASAP.

On a separate note (and this is most certainly not directed at you OP), why is it people 'assume' because you're a mother and you earn less than your DH/DP, that you've 'sacrificed your career'? Therefore allowing your DH/DP to climb up the ladder and earn a salary which way exceeds yours.
Anyone would think we've got a bunch of 'would be FTSE100 CEO's', who have been forced to give everything up and therefore should be massively compensated the way some people go on!

@TheBusDriver perhaps want you meant to say is the PARENT that is the lower earner, taken the career opportunity hit and no doubt until divorce did the lions share of the parenting work...

If both parents have shared the parenting load 50:50 then yes it should continue but when one parent has done little apart from at weekends should that really change just to avoid the other parent receiving maintenance?

@RandomMess

I think he is taking the piss!! After 23 years and how long working part time facilitating him climbing the career ladder whilst you being up 3 DC...

I don't believe he is being honest with you at all, sorry

Yep. Solicitor yourself.

My pension was effected etc by having children as was my career.

I was the higher earner, I got the house -but only paid minimial to get his out. IF I had been a lower earner -I would have got 100% of the equity.

I want to cry at the hit my pension took when having 6 years out as we had 3DC in 3 years!!

Thankfully we haven't divorced and now I earn slightly more and the parenting/domestic work is shared 50:50!

Thank you for all of your replies, I really appreciate it. It’s taken me a few days to come back and read them all. I’m finding it so hard to think about him in this way ☹️.

I am a teacher and went part time 13 years ago after we had our first dc. I have supported him while he studied with the OU, getting a 1st class degree last year. He has certainly climbed the career ladder in that time too.

As I have always been part time, most of the child care has naturally fallen to me. Obviously I’ve always covered school holidays.

He’s proposing 50/50 and has offered to ‘pay’ me to have the dc during the holidays as well as taking some annual leave. He’d still have them after school in his days. I’m happy to do this as I’d rather they didn’t have to go to a childminder, knowing I’m at home.

I will definitely be getting my own advice.

@Hopingtobeamum - probably because most people have! I'm self- employed but my earning potential would have been as good as my stbxhusbands if I hadn't been the one that did all the school runs, all the homework, carried all the emotional load and the one that listens to my son's worries every night. My stbxh, whose career has now flown, doesn't know what his kids teachers are called and on the two occasions that I asked him to pick them up from school has been so late that the office staff have called me. So actually I could have done as well as him - and will again if it kills me - but ultimately kids do not bring themselves up and I'll be fucked if I'm missing out on the investment that I've made in his career by sacrificing my own because he's reneged in a deal that we made when the kids were born.

i think that's the problem in these situations - at the time it was a decision or "deal" made as a unit yet the woman takes all the risk for the future - makes you think there should be a legal contract drawn up at the time to say this is what is happening.

I think the point @Hopingtobeamum is making is in many cases the sahp or part time worker would not have earned much more anyway and the wohp would still be doing the job they do and earning what they earn regardless of having a sahp.

It seems to be assumed on mn that women are sacrificing high earning careers in order to support their dhs high flying career. That’s not the reality of most people’s lives. It’s more likely that a female teacher would have continued to be a teacher if she hadn’t had kids rather than becoming a FTSE 100 CEO. same with her dh.

yes I agree and also did both of them understand the same arrangement - i have known men who assumed their wife would go back full time as soon as school starts, which did not happen. It's also worth pointing out the damage not being in the work place for any amount of time does to your confidence in getting back out there - i experienced it for a while just after maternity leave and I see it as a main reason some of my friends don't go back.

There are so many situations that generalisations cannot be made

I would absolutely NOT be a FTSE 100 CEO had we not had children or he’d gone part time. I would have definitely have worked full time for the past 13 years and paid in proportionally into my pension, built up savings, been more ambitious and now not be facing crisis of confidence about how i’ll manage to work full time.

Get your own legal advice asap.