General help

[damnthisvirusandmarriage]

Kicked my husband out in May. He’s staying in his parents caravan to work. Then coming here to our jointly owned home to see the children and have tea.

Basically having his cake and eating it. I don’t want him to access this house at his own will and use the facilities here.

He was abusive to us all and still is but not as bad.

His attitude is gently turning towards me being the abuser now and making him do the things he did.

He smoked weed when with me. It was one of the reasons I put my foot down and got him out. This was end of May. THC is still showing on a urine drug test. Along with opioid. Which he says is from co codamol.

Really need help with all this. I don’t think I want him back at all and look forward to a future on my own with children.

What happens next? What shall I do?

Phased approach - as everything is administratively harder for everyone. You need to be decisive, but fair

a) when will he be going back to full on work. Or has he been fully working throughout?
b) estate agents are open, are they not? So unless you are aware of local difficulty, he should be looking for a longer term place to live
c) consequent to that, you need to get together your early thoughts on financial settlement. If you own your house, will you be able to afford to buy him out of any share of the house (this obviously depends on circumstances and likely level of settlement - but ensuring he has enough to get somewhere with enough bedrooms for DC might mean you have to move too). Do you need to start househunting too?
d) as things start to open up, and especially in the summer when you can be outside, there is no need to feed him in the house, and he can deal with children's needs whilst he is out.

It might help to peg changes to other things in the calendar. So when schooo,would have broken up, it's no longer in the house. Start of autumn term, he'll need to have sorted his longer term living out.

You'll probably have to change all ideas if you get a local lockdown.

But I think focusing on the practical, and (initially) nudging him the way you want him to go, is the start. It may not be quite as plain sailing as unrestricted times, but I'll bet you have a good idea of what things are like around you (or will,find out) so you'll know if it's logistic difficulties (tolerate, you're a reasonable person and you need this to be got right for the long haul) or just him being an arse, in which case you will need to change tack.

It is good he is seeing so much if the DC. My main aim would be to preserve this, but move it to a different location.

I don’t really want him having children alone due to the drugs and due to his anger and lashing out both physically and verbally.

He has elbowed and bit one child. He pushes them round when they’re in the way etc. Police been Called for the former two incidents. The police did nothing. Apparently told him he can have a key and come back when we he wants.

He has a professional job. I don’t want to jeopardise this for him as we will need his help financially via CM etc.

This is the main reason I’ve put up with it for so long tbh. But the future looks brighter without him as he’s never going to change. And the blaming me is just laughable. It’s almost textbook