How do you deal with 50/50 and issues

[Rockchk31]

Hi all, can I please have some examples of how you make 50/50 work, what kind of schedule do you have? STBXH is insisting on 50/50 even though he does literally NOTHING for our daughter...I get her up and ready for school, I do bedtime and bath times everything. He acts as if DD is a burden most of the time so I’m actually shocked he wants 50/50, think he is doing it just to get at me as I would prefer to have her more. It’s actually heartbreaking thinking that I won’t see her every day to make sure she is ok. Our DD has already said she wants to stay with me more but not sure that makes any difference?

How old is DD? The courts listen more as they get older. Obviously if he really is useless then she may need safeguarding.
50/50 works in different ways depending on your locations, your child's ability to cope etc.

I would offer every other weekend and a night for tea in the week? That's what he would likely get if it went to court.

DD is 7 so I’m not sure what age they would listen to her if it went to court, I just wish her Dad would listen! I have offered every other weekend Fri-Mon and every Thursday but he refuses. Pretty sure he is doing it so he doesn’t have to pay child maintenance as he says he isn’t giving me money...the issue is he isn’t thinking of DD in all of this just himself and how to piss me off.

I’d say he is doing this to avoid paying CM too. Go speak to a solicitor and get some advice

My ex also wants 50 50. I reckon it's to avoid paying. At the moment he has my son 2 nights a week but doesnt pay, even though he earns a hell of a lot more as I have to work part time to care for ds. It's bloody irritating, when we were together he did nothing but moan about pulling his weight and childcare and now he's fucking super dad to everyone as he wants his child jointly.

In fairness, you're already offering something that is just 1 night a week off 50/50. Why do you feel that alternate weekends Fri-Mon and one night a week is fine, but one extra weeknight isn't? Articulating that may be key to your case.

He would still have to pay maintenance unless it is fully shared care. Just having 50/50 reduces his payment by half. Unless he takes fully shared responsibility (ie organises doctors, dentist, school meetings etc etc just as much as you do) then you can still get maintenance via CMS. I'd get advice on this point and also get a neutral third party to record DD's wishes.

Watching with interest

@JaggySplinter

He would still have to pay maintenance unless it is fully shared care. Just having 50/50 reduces his payment by half. Unless he takes fully shared responsibility (ie organises doctors, dentist, school meetings etc etc just as much as you do) then you can still get maintenance via CMS. I'd get advice on this point and also get a neutral third party to record DD's wishes.

Interesting.

How would you prove to CMS that he doesn't do his fair share though? How does it work?

Keep receipts. Keep a diary of all Dr /dentist /other appointments you have taken dd to. Expenses sheet of clubs etc that you pay.

It will be about saving money
Then he will get a huge shock how much more actually looking after a child half the time costs. A lot more then a maintenance payment. Unless he’s a millionaire which I don’t suppose he is 😏

@Sunnydayshereatlast

Keep receipts. Keep a diary of all Dr /dentist /other appointments you have taken dd to. Expenses sheet of clubs etc that you pay.

School runs Parties Clubs Shopping Dentists Clothing Texts where he’s still out and you’re asking when he’s back Neighbours / friends other people

It can be done

@Sunnydayshereatlast sorry that was supposed to be to @escaperoomuser