Help please - on maintenance

[Whatonearth2020]

Hi, my STBXH and I had agreed on global maintenance figures and are embarking down the process with Amicable.

Today he announced that the figures would need to be adjusted if my ‘income’ increased at any point.

He earns 10 times my salary (I’m effectively just above minimum wage) and we have 3 DS who will live with me most of the time. The agreement was that I would buy everything for them apart from food and anything else he chooses to spend on them.

So my question is - what is fair? And how would I reveal my future income to him? How is this a ‘clean break?’

I want to take as little as I need from him for myself, but don’t want DS to suffer. Also what happens if I temporarily get a higher income? Also what happens if I inherit / am gifted money by my parents?

I have a lesser pension (offset against a greater share of equity in the house) but I really need to start paying extra in now as I am 46. So if I do earn a bit more I need to assign it to that.

I really don’t want to undo all the very hard work we have done to reach this agreement and go down the solicitor route but I’m afraid he’s now starting to shift goalposts..

I just googled Amicable because I didn't know what it was but it looks like a mediation type service.

The agreement you seem to have hashed out seems to be mostly in his favour with him being able to control it as and when he sees fit. When you say you pay for everything except food, how does that work? Does he buy the food shopping and bring it round to you.

If you are 46 with 3 kids and on minimum wage then (and I mean this kindly) you are not really going to be earning much larger sums of money so this is kind of a moot point. It's also another subtle way for him to stay in control and keep you down, via your earning power.

Just for an example, say you were offered a place to study law at university and then the potential for a job earning 40 or 50k. You turn this down because you think you won't gain anything financially. However, he could stop paying at any time.

Also, he'll stop paying when the youngest is 18 anyway.

What are your plans for supporting yourself when the child maintenance and child tax credits stop?

Nah, doesn't sound like a good deal to me at all. Go straight to court. Represent yourself you don't need a solicitor. Trying to negotiate with him via solicitors will just cost you time and money. Let the judge decide how the assets will be split because 1. the judge will be fair and 2. your ex won't agree to a fair split of his own accord.

What percentage of the assets is he asking for, in total?

The money for food and ‘anything else he wants’ arrangement sounds odd. Child maintenance doesn’t work like that.

I agree that his proposals mean it would not constitute a clean break which is preferable in divorce these days.

Have you had advice from a solicitor?

Sorry I wasn’t clear : essentially I pay for everything for the boys. He pays me global maintenance on a stepped down arrangement until youngest is 18.
He pays for what he spends on them when they are with him eg food, trips. I pay for the food etc when they are with me.

In terms of my salary, I was a high Warner until around 3 years ago when I stepped back for the kids. When he first started making noises about leaving I went to a solicitor who advised me to get a job in order to be entitled to benefits. The job I have it low pay but local and flexible and still in my field (albeit much much more junior than I used to be).

I certainly intend to do my utmost to increase it, but I don’t know how long it will take or whether it will be possible (I’m pretty old to be in this field!!)

So is it possible for him to find out what I earn in the future?

How much over the CMS rate will the global maintenance be? How old are the children?

Just go through CMS. It's not usually a realistic reflection of what it covers to pay for half the cost of raising a child but it your earnings are irrelevant and it's all there in black and white.

"So is it possible for him to find out what I earn in the future?"

Well, when he asks you how much you earn, what will you say?

Global maintenance is both child maintenance and spousal maintenance combined. The spousal maintenance part is subject to what you earn. For example, if you get a promotion or work more hours, your entitlement to the spousal maintenance part may be reviewed as you are no longer within the realms of limited income. Hope that makes sense

He’s paying considerably more than CMS allowance so I certainly don’t want to go down that route?

@Bionical89 thanks for explanation - what would the mechanism for this review be?

Is that the one where he pays X and CMA pay Y?

If so, yes as soon as there is a change he will be aware.

I'm also not sure why a solicitor would advice you to take a low earning job.

I'm not a legal person though, I would have been wondering wtf mine was talking about when I got some legal advice. Advising me to risk my future in terms of personal pension etc once it was all final.

You will also need to get some benefit advice to ensure this type of order is permissible. There is also restrictions on savings.

Whatever you want it to be OP. Personally, you've sacrificed your career while he's excelled to earn 10 times what you do. I wouldn't be offering up any information on your income increasing. If it's a private arrangement, there's nothing to say your income will ever be looked into. I think of spousal maintenance as less of help for the future for yourself and more compensation for what you gave up to accommodate them

I would advise that you speak to a solicitor and ask if she feels this arrangement is similar to what you would get in court.

It sounds like your stbexh is controlling and it can affect the mediation process.

You haven't mentioned how the assets etc are to be split or how you are being compensated for your reduced income.

I'm not sure a solicitor telling you to seek employment was the best advice tbh, as otherwise in a financial settlement you would above been entitled to maintenance to allow you time to retrain and re enter the work force etc

Honestly you need a Shit Hot Lawyer that is very experienced and successful in financial settlements when the ex is a high earner...

Spousal maintenance can be challenged after a year! You could end up in court every 12 months, you couldn't get further from a clean break...

What?

@RandomMess what?? I thought if the consent order was in place that was it unless a major change of circs like new baby / job loss? Also this would be global rather than spousal?
I really wanted to avoid the shit hot lawyer route as I don’t have the funds and I wanted to try and keep things as good as possible for the kids but maybe it’s going to have to be that way...shit

Have you sought independent legal advice on the reality of such an order? What happens if he stops paying it - presumably you would have to take him to court and get it enforced, unlike CMS I don't think you could get a deduction of earnings order...

The seem to be more aimed at very wealthy people!

Money spent consulting with a SHL to ensure you don't get ripped off will be money well spent.

I don’t know much about how Global maintenance works but you need to explore all options before you (you, not the children) agree to be tied to him in this way.

I would have thought that CM only plus a sizeable share of both his pension and the equity in the house (assuming the children will spend more time with you than with him) would be a more usual approach and gives you the clean break and privacy that you seem to want.

How old are the children?

I have some second hand experience of global maintenance orders. My understanding is that they can’t be varied on a whim after a year but they can be reviewed after a change in circumstance (which will include an increase in your household income). They can also be changed from global to non-global (ie when the split between spousal and child maintenance is clearly defined).
I’m not a lawyer though and you should get independent legal advice from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about rather than randoms on the internet!
Having said that, I think that one of the big issues with spousal maintenance orders is that if the paid spouse begins to increase their income their payments usually go down - this can act as a disincentive to increase earning power. Far better IMO to go all out for a clean break so that you won’t need to be financially reliant on your ex for your personal income (obvs child maintenance is separate). Money can cause conflict and bad feeling and bad feeling and conflict will make co-parenting difficult.