Asked for 10 reason's.

[Fandabydosey]

Am I being unreasonable? I have been with the father of my son for 16 years. He is a good person but rubbish life partner. We split in November but have been trying to get back on track. I asked him for 10 reason's why he loved me and he just said "why 10 there are probably more good night." is it an unreasonable request? Am I expecting too much. He won't move in with us and be a family (he's never lived with us) he has only ever told me he loves me less than 10 times. Am I clinging onto something I should let go of.

Let go.

Why might be a reasonable question, 10 reasons is not

It would be quite easy to provide 10 reasons to love someone. A google search would probably do the job. Even if he did this he would still be a rubbish life partner. He is who he is. And you decided that wasn’t enough.

What difference does him trotting out 10 reasons that might or might not be true?

You've never lived together? Why? I'd end it completely

It's a hard question to answer esp when you're tired and about to go to sleep; perhaps a little bit gun to the head. 10 reasons why I like dogs might also be a stretch (and I really really love dogs). I would ask him about the reasons to stay together vs splitting up and you offer yours too, might be more useful. Use a mediator /councillor if you need to have someone impartial there.

Don't ring someone up in the night before they are going to bed to ask such questions.

You need to go to couples counselling and deal with things like that in the day when you are both suppose to be awake. By going to counseling it should hopefully make you realise whether you are actually wasting your time with him or not.

The only time he has told me he loves me is in response to me. He has never in the time we have been together told me he loves me.

OP please let go of him. He’s only told you 10 times in 16 years that he loves you? And only in response to you? That’s not even once a year!

Also I love my partner, a lot! But if he’d ask me to list 10 things I love about him I wouldn’t know what to say, or spew out some generic bullshit about his cooking or something. I’m about as romantic as a brick wall to be honest and I still tell him I love him every single day.

His love language probably isn't Words of Affirmation. It might be something else,
www.5lovelanguages.com/

Give him the benefit of the doubt. Alot of men struggle with expressing themselves with words. Look for actions, not words.

He has never in the time we have been together told me he loves me.

The sex must be phenomenal if you've put up with that for 16 years.

You want him to tell you 10 times he loves you. You don't need the 10 reasons... Tell him. Sod the world if it's ridiculous.
Do you want it to work, does he want it to work ? Than work at it. WORK. ACTION. not lip service. You might need a shitload of counselling, so what. It's not dead till it's dead. Provided you're not the side piece.

What are your 10 reasons wasting 16 years of your life on a man who wouldn't even properly commit to you? That's the question you should be asking.

@Guineapigbridge

His love language probably isn't Words of Affirmation. It might be something else, www.5lovelanguages.com/

Give him the benefit of the doubt. Alot of men struggle with expressing themselves with words. Look for actions, not words.

I just took the test, the brick wall (although according to this, the hoover). I kind of agree with it, but no one should go through 16 years not being told I love you at least once a year, I’m not pushing boundaries here. That ain’t a love language.

@Aquamarine1029
1, is the well being of our son.
2, he is a nice person
3, I can't afford to do it on my own
4, I am scared of being alone
5, he would be too awkward if we split up
6, my daughter has ASD and can't cope with change
7, he helps my parents
8, I feel guilty for rejecting him
9, I am scared our son will hate a new partner
10, worried about my Family opinion.
😓☹️ When put like that it makes it quite clear. That is probably the most helpful thing I have done.