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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Who's the selfish party here??

14 replies

AngryAF1 · 13/06/2020 09:47

Separated a year ago, she cheated with the neighbour moved out of the family owned home into rented accommodation I continued to pay the mortgage on my own for last year. She is now saying she can't afford to rent her contract is up in September. Since she doesn't want to move back to this property as the wife of her boyfriend still lives next door she is asking me to buy a new house with her, she live in it with her bf for 5 years and then we sell I take half the money from the house and I wouldn't be paying the mortgage there, just the rent on my own place but to keep me sweet has offered me half of the equity in 5 years time. My issue is, alot can change in 5 years! If she has more kids remarried I'm not sure where I would stand however the thought of earning money on a property I'm not looking after did sound appealing. However! That would mean me renting for 5 years, me not being able to move forward with anyone else and putting my life on hold to benefit her and new bf, she has the kids full time and me every other weekend. When I tried to discuss with her that 5 years is too long and that I didn't want to enter into new house agreement she told me I was being selfish. I told her we should just sell the house and go our separate ways. She says she can't afford to rent so will have no choice but to move back into this house. Where do I stand here?? Am I being selfish?? She left me for him next door, that wasn't my choice! It was hers, she's not contributed to this house for a year but expects me to move aside and let her back in. She says that she will win if she takes me to court because she has the children. They surely will not agree to me putting my name on a new house for her??? Yes perhaps living back in this home but if we can't come to an agreement with we be told to sell?? I want to cut all ties so would rather sell, she could use her equity to pay her debts and have a more affordable way of living. I feel like what ever decision I choose i will end up being screwed over because she has the kids.

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 13/06/2020 13:12

Say no thank you

Pelleas · 13/06/2020 13:17

Are you married (you talk of your ex 'remarrying')? This kind of thing should be sorted out as part of the financial settlement in your divorce.

millymollymoomoo · 13/06/2020 13:41

Don’t even consider it
Divorce, sort out settlement, move on

Bells3032 · 13/06/2020 13:48

nope nope nope. What if she defaults on the mortgage and the bank repossess the house or if they refuse to move or damage the property? Sell the house now and split the money (maybe with her getting slightly more as she the kids)

AngryAF1 · 13/06/2020 19:31

@Pelleas we are still married. Not yet started divorce proceedings but it is something I'm seriously considering if she starts to make this harder for me.

OP posts:
AngryAF1 · 13/06/2020 19:33

@millymollymoomoo @Bells3032 So I'm not being selfish saying no, I just want out of that house take my money and move forward. I will always support my kids of course but what she is wanting me to do is completely unreasonable. Hopefully mediation will get her on board with selling.

OP posts:
Pelleas · 13/06/2020 19:35

From what you have said, it sounds as though divorce is inevitable and this would provide a formal framework for the division of your assets. Either the house will have to be sold, or one of you will have to buy the other out, if you want a clean break. Buying a new house with someone you're separated from will just lead to further misery and prolonged entanglement.

Bells3032 · 13/06/2020 19:36

Deff not being selfish. You are being a better person than I woild be in the same circs

KellyHall · 13/06/2020 19:43

My parents jointly bought the house my mum, me and my two brothers moved to after my parents divorced. My parents were forever linked by us children anyway. My dad moved in to his new girlfriend's house. My mum was single with 3 children though. They sold the house when we all left home, 12 years later.

Why is your stb ex-wife's new partner not splitting the cost of their new accommodation?

Stella8686 · 13/06/2020 19:47

Start divorce proceedings. Get legal advice

millymollymoomoo · 13/06/2020 20:12

You’re not being selfish
She’s completely in la la land

AngryAF1 · 13/06/2020 20:58

@KellyHall Her new bf is still paying for the house his wife currently lives in with their children. Which is next door to me. Hence why neither my stb ex or her new bf want to live in this house.

OP posts:
KellyHall · 14/06/2020 20:16

I understand why they don't want to live in close proximity to anyone they walked out on. I think it's totally selfish of them to want you to fund their accommodation though, but how many unselfish people have affairs in the first place?! If they really gave a shit, they'd have got divorced and sorted out their own shit first.

HeddaGarbled · 14/06/2020 20:23

You’re right, she’s wrong. Good luck 💐

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