Not really sure where to start. 3 years ago met great guy, loving, sweet, gentleman, and fell head over heels. I was 2 years divorced with 3 children and very secure and independent. He had only split from his wife 3 months before and had 2 children. I fell pregnant 6months later and he moved in with me. From the start his wife would stop him seeing the kids on any whim and would refuse any contact with her or the kids. He had to go through months of hell to have a court order granted on account of the amount of accusations she made against him- alcoholic, suicidal, aggressive, etc etc Everything was unfounded and the judge had no problem granting the order and making it clear that she had not behaved well. I stood by him every step of the way and have supported him every time there has been a drama- which has been CONSTANT. The latest is his son has decided he doesn't want to see him. COVID has essentially shut down the courts and his ex is playing the nice guy, 'she will talk to their son' but she's not going to push him because it's his choice (he's 10). My partner is a great dad, honestly, I cannot fault him at all. He's at every event, encouraging every hobby, supporting every problem, his access time with his kids is actual quality time.
Now, on the other side of this is me, my children and our son. Once his children (or child currently) goes home, he pretty much disengages with the rest of us. He's on his phone playing games constantly. He does occasionally help out with making dinner or the odd chore but I am getting so resentful. I feel like I am a parent to all the kids AND him. I have stood by him through everything, watched him cry and pretty much mope most days when something kicks off with his ex or the kids. Having a good relationship with his son, I even offered to have a chat with him, through his ex. This started out as she would see put she's not pushing him, I left it a month and said again and it ended up in her and I being snappy at each other (all this is through text) I am away asking my partner if he's heard any more from his ex or son to be told no. Turns out they (his ex and he) are in constant contact via text and he has been having twice weekly phone calls with his son.
I feel like an absolute dick. My contact with his ex re their son was because he led me to believe that he wasn't able to have any communication with his son. He knew I was speaking to her about having a chat. I'm not confrontational and I felt uneasy about getting involved but I did it because i wanted to try and help. I feel like I've been pushed to the absolute sidelines and he hasn't shown any loyalty toward me or our family despite me doing everything for him.
He proposed a couple of months ago, was happy to set a date yet is showing no motivation to chase his divorce.
I truly believe our relationship is over. This past 6 months I have seen a massive change in his attitude/behaviour toward me. He's never been abusive or aggressive or not even nasty but it's the lack of respect by lying to me and setting me up to look like a dick trying to support him. I know he won't leave. It was my home, private rental for 2 years before he moved in and he's now on the tenancy agreement. He will just try and gloss over everything (I know because I raised this a few months ago and was told that everything would change and he would make it all right etc etc, no acknowledgement of my wanting to split, and I just fucking let it go)
What the hell am I going to do? I'm sick of the drama, sick of the moping, sick of the lies, sick of it all.