I want my house back

[TirisfalPumpkin]

Hello. I've contacted a solicitor already and am waiting for a response, but would appreciate your views.

I separated from my husband a week ago. Thread in Relationships has the full details. We are married and own the house as joint tenants. I asked him to leave as I didn't feel it was reasonable for me to have to share a house with him after him seeking teenaged 'sugar babies' to pay for sex. He refused ('I want to work on this') so I left instead. Currently staying with family.

He is now claiming severe mental health issues and says he needs to stay in the house to feel safe. I don't believe this is genuine; I think it's a control ploy. I am autistic and rely on my private space and my routines, which he knows. I'm really struggling to concentrate on work here because I have no privacy or room to decompress and work through stuff. It would be ill-advised to take time off work in the present climate so I'm just trying to do my best.

I want him to leave (he has options to stay with friends and family). Is there anything I can do to get him to go, in the absence of actual and immediate abuse, or is this it - because I caught someone cheating on me, I get to live/work out of a spare room for however long it takes to finalise a divorce/house sale?

If you own it jointly then he has just as much right to be there as you. It doesn't sound like a formal occupation order to throw him out would work.
I'm so sorry you are going through this and hopefully a solicitor can offer some practical advice.

If you jointly own the house you both have as much right as each other to live there. As there is no abuse on either side then you will just have to move back in and be/live in different rooms to avoid him.

Unfortunately I have known lots of couples who have split up and had to cope with this until one has brought the other out.

A small minority come to an agreement where they have a timetable for who is in the house when, the majority don't and antagonise each other.

It seems horribly unfair, doesn't it.

He has moved other people into the house so someone is now living in my home office and living room. I understand this is also fine, as they are guests of one of the homeowners, but he's made it practically impossible for me to move back in as I wouldn't be able to work. The nature of my work means I need a private space where I can't be overheard. There is also nowhere to sleep except in bed with him (or in the garden).

Hold on - he has moved people in to your home??? No no no!! Unless I am missing someone he absolutely cannot just move people in to a home which he shares with another person workout foot consent, especially if that hinders you being able to work ie. someone in your office

Apologies the spelling is awful my phone screen is smashed!

My understanding of the legalz is that as long as they're there with one of the homeowners' consent and not being violent or threatening, it's OK. So I could call the police 'there's a strange man in my office, help' and other homeowner would confirm he's his guest and allowed to be there, I would get told off for wasting their time.

I think it would be a problem if they became formal tenants, but since they're not legally resident there and are just hanging about keeping him company, it's OK.

There was a thread (possibly on here, or in Relationships) where some absolute arse of a husband turned the house into an AirBnB without his wife's consent to try to force her to move out, and this was apparently fine.

Have you spoken with his ‘house guests’? Could you explain the situation and ask them to leave? If not, just set-up office in the living room and make it very uncomfortable for them. Do you have guests that you could invite round to watch tv?

Solicitor's advice was 'move back in if you can'. I haven't directly spoken to the 'guests'. I am kind of conflict averse, I don't know them and I'm geographically several miles away without transport.

Working to buy him out as quickly as possible and that seems to be going reasonably smoothly, so hopefully it will be a short term situation. It does feel unfair, though. I can't move in and work if I don't have privacy, due to the nature of my job. I don't want to sleep in a house with strange men present.

Can you sleep in the home office?

I'm so sorry to hear this, it's a horrible situation. I'm afraid I can't offer you any practical advice but hope it works out well for you in the end.