We've been married for 11 years, have 3 children, 10, 8 and 1.
NC but been here a long time.
For as long as I've known him DH has struggled with his mental health which he has generally refused to get any help for. We have both always liked a drink, him often taking it too far but recently he's drinking a lot more and he admits he often uses it as a coping mechanism. Mental health issues, though not fully diagnosed include I think depression, anxiety and PTSD all of which he agrees on when he is up to talking about it. He has on a couple of occasions been to the GP and went as far as one brief try at counselling. Completely refuses medication as he tried something not sure what, many years ago and hated it.
He admits to suicidal thoughts and has in several occasions after a row and a few drinks has disappeared with threats to 'never come back'.
The thing is that when he's having his good periods he's wonderful. The kids all adore him, he does so many fun, adventurous things with them. He's kind. He would do anything for anyone.
I just so wish he could see those things in himself but he is so full of self loathing.
When he's had a drink and is feeling low though he's a different person. While he has never actually been physically abusive he has a temper. He will shout and yell, slam doors, throw and break things. I've tried to shield the kids from it as much as I can but they're not stupid and so worried about the damage to them. He is so quick to lose his temper with them.
He's stormed off into the night on more occasions than I can count but always comes back but a couple of weeks ago I ended up calling the police to search for him as I was so worried.
I've been telling him that I will be there for him to the end of the earth if he tries to get support for both his mental health and his drinking but this last couple of days has I think tipped me over.
He bought wine from the local shop which I saw in the bag. I asked him not to drink it and he complete denied even buying any and got so upset that I had accused him of lying. Later this evening I found it hidden.
I think that's the last straw but I have no idea what to do next. My kids will be devastated and he has nowhere to go.
I think I need to get out of this and protect my kids but have no idea where to start. Sorry for the garbled message. I have so much I could say