Husband leaving, I'm broken.

[KeeOe]

Hello all. I've posted about my husband before, possibly with different username. Basically, I've been living with his moods for years. I've normalised it and explained it away to other people, smoothing things over for him to minimise his behaviour.

We had a huge barny a couple of weeks ago and things have been tense, to say the least, since then. I've barely spoken to him as I've been frightened to; frightened of his reaction, frightened to say how I feel. He attacked me in bed on Thursday morning, holding me down by my face and shoulder and came in so close to my face telling me he'd kill me, that he'd cut my throat when I was asleep. This was over a piece of paper he couldn't find that he claimed I'd put away. I'd never seen the thing.

He announced yesterday he's leaving to go to his Mothers house for the foreseeable. So why am I so heartbroken? Been in touch with local DV charity and I have an appt on Wednesday. I have kept all of this in. It's not the first time he has been violent towards me but this was certainly the worst. I haven't involved the police, yet.

I can't see my life without him. He has offered me not one crumb of comfort in the past 2 weeks. Every attempt I've made to be pleasant towards him has been rebuffed. But I miss him so bloodt much and it's only going to get worse with him going. I'm watching the clock tonight thinking 'this is my last 3/2 hours with him ever' and its killing me.

Please tell me I will come out of the other side ok? I know I sound so pathetic but cannot see a way through at the minute.

You need to speak to woman's aid and get rl
Support. Your panicking about change, you have got so used to living in a heightened state of anxiety that it's become your normal. It's going to take you time to recover from that. Let him leave and start living

My mum lived with an abusive man and he left her. He had treated her very badly and she despite being scared of him was devastated that he left. Best thing that ever happened to her. She grew as a person, got herself a job, made friends and met a lovely man and remarried and her life was completely different.... i

Thank you. I am in touch with Harbour and have an appt with a support worker on Weds. Been told they can offer practical support such as security measures etc. as well. I'm terrified about how I will cope financially, and practically as I have 3 big dogs that we adopted together. Not that I'll ever get rid, just dont know what I'll do with them when I'm at work. I'm just so scared.

Try and remind yourself that you miss the man you thought he was, and he still wouldn't be that man if he stayed.
Do things for yourself to build your self esteem up. Treat yourself kindly in the way you talk to yourself.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about it friends and family-wise? Or can you see if any of the support you've accessed can help you figure out the practical and financial side? I'm sure they will have gotten those questions before.

Allow yourself to be sad, it will feel like a loss, but stay strong in reminding yourself that you deserve to be treated better.

You will be okay. My mum left an abusive relationship and is now happily remarried to my stepdad.

Yes, @Mumoblue its exactly that! I actually said that to him yesterday, that he wasn't the man I thought he was. He was always my partner in crime, my best friend but now he's a stranger. I feel bereft.

Look up "trauma bonding". I think most women in abusive relationships going through this to some degree, some more than others. It will eventually pass. I was in an abusive relationship and I too felt like I couldn't live without him, it's insane to others who haven't lived a life like this, but it's a real thing and you will overcome it. You life is about to change for the better but it's a process and it will have many ups and downs but you have to trust that process. Good luck and my advice would be to take all available help to you. Ask about the "freedom programme" at your DV app, it was a life changer for me and I highly recommend.