Hand hold or just off loading

[AustinRd]

Long story short I separated from my EA ex 18m ago, 2DC who had/have a superficial relationship with them. Several warnings from solicitor over behaviour, freedom programme etc but we are stuck in an endless court cycle re child contact. Ex is not willing to accept 4 (yes you read that right) Cafcass reports. Both DC have developed anxiety disorders, one with self harm (junior school age) neither keen to see ex due to his behaviour and volatility. have tried everything to provide a positive environment to build a relationship between them and to put clear distinction between their and my relationship with ex. 6 hearing and we have our 3rd final hearing scheduled soon.
Today I’m struggling because it’s dawned on me that he still has a hold over me, but worse still he has a hold over DC. Eldest so wants to get better and live a normal life but all the court stuff and the fact ex is ignoring how DC feels is underpinning DC anxiety and stopping us all moving forward. Ex has now started yet more court proceedings while sending emails about how we need to be friends for the sake of DC and I’m exhausted from working FT, schooling, solicitors, court and DC MH. Covid has made it all so much harder.
And breathe... 💕

Wow.. That sounds like a helluva lot. I'm hoping you're feeling a little better and have some support in real life too? Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.. I know, long tunnel right? Don't have any kids or married but work in education so I do hope you and your children find peace soon.. Xx
Hang in there!

I’m so sorry @AustinRd, self harming is so hard. Is it at all possible to keep comms with ex away from this DC? It might be better for them to be updated once things become
certain instead of knowing every move ex does, might help with anxiety?
and utmost simpathy

Thanks for your reply’s I’m feeling a little better about things. Sometimes it just feels like life is suffocating because we aren’t free to truly live it because ex is always there. They have no insight or self awareness regarding their behaviour and it’s impact on DC.
I do try to keep talk of official stuff to a minimum but it’s difficult as there have been Cafcass sessions and with lockdown I’ve had to make childcare arrangements which go against “the rules” as they know them as I live alone with DC. There have been numerous interim orders while ex chops and changes what they want and I think they are just as tired of it all as me. Esp as they have repeatedly said what they do/don’t want and Ex is ignoring this as “Ex has rights”. Ex can’t see the damage they are doing, the broken trust and fear that they go through or that the longer this goes on the worse it gets for them. DC are now refusing to see Ex which is never how I wanted this to be and feeds their anxiety as they don’t want me to get into trouble for their actions.
Anyway it won’t last forever things will get resolved. Anybody know what age the legal system really starts to take notice of the child’s view. I know it’s not an exact science.
Today I am grateful for support bubbles and seeing my parents for the first time in 4mth!!