How do you tell them?

[ScaredandUnderconfident]

How do you tell your h you want a divorce?

I mean, there will be a discussion and I want to avoid it getting into the character issues and ultimately, avoid arguing about what he and I are like, what triggers rows etc.

I can't be bothered with discussing it ad nauseam really. It's pointless.

So what did you do when you told your oh you wanted a divorce?

It took two goes really. The first time was a couple of weeks after I bailed out of joint counselling having spent a bomb on it and heard nothing reassuring. The second was two weeks later as he didn't seem to take it in the first time. Initially he said 'well how are you going to improve things now since you have stopped the sessions'. I said it see no future in this relationship. We are not happy. Etc' The second had to be more direct. I guess it is also a matter of judging what sort of personality you are dealing with and whether there is any risk to you from saying this. You may, I guess, need to judge what his reaction is likely to be and whether this should be done somewhere safer ie in a public place. I didn't do that as I didn't really want to 'go' anywhere with him, nor organise childcare to do it and it was a matter of finding the narrow slots of time when DC weren't around. Also worth having done a list of why you are not staying so you Have convinced yourself of your decision if he may try to persuade you otherwise. Once I have decided something I tend to be hard hearted but I still had done my list, which helped, but it will depend on your situation obv. I didn't share my list but kept the message clear and firm. I did feel like you / I didn't want to go round all the many reasons with him - my mind was made up! Good luck.