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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Songle parenting, terrified I dont have the energy to build a new life

2 replies

Coffeecress · 18/05/2020 10:51

I'm a sole carer if three children under 8. Their Father has no contact, mandated by the Court on an interim basis, because of his treatment of the children and me.

I'm stuck overseas because we moved here 2 years ago and as we move through the Court process I cant leave here even for a holiday with the kids due to anti-abduction laws. He wont give us permission. The Court hearings will go on for at least another year.

I'm terrified and feel very alone. We have supporting professionals around us but no one else can help me do what I need to do. Only I can raise my children and I have to do it alone.

I have huge fears for them, will I be enough...Will their Father claw back into their lives, is no contact even the right outcome for them....

I also have huge fears for myself. I'm lonely and everything reminds me just constantly through the day about how much I miss my ex husband, then I feel sick for feeling that because of what he has done. I don't think anyone will ever want to be with me and I will always be alone. I'm now damaged. I come with three children. I come with too much baggage now.

I am terrified of the pressure of battling my ex (who is very legally agressive), helping my children recover, working, running a stupidly big house that was meant to be our 'forever home', worrying about finances, wondering if I will ever get to leave here or if I will be trapped forever. I was at a senior level in my career, but now just don't care. I dont care about much at all.

Thats a lot to put out there, but maybe someone will understand.

OP posts:
coco123456789 · 19/05/2020 09:03

Hi there, I feel like you too. It’s why I haven’t had the strength to leave yet. Do you have friends where you are abroad? My friend separated last year and rather than being all quiet and ashamed about it she has been really open about it and everyone has totally rallied round. Gives her strength. Where would you like to live and what would you like to do? You are abroad, so is your aim to move home when you can? Maybe try and think of steps you can take to plan your new life in the future, something to look forward to.

Lonecatwithkitten · 19/05/2020 20:17

8 years down the line from where you are now you don't need to build a new life of day one. Initially you just need to survive, your children just need to know that you love them.
Slowly gradually the new life evolves one tiny step at a time.

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