So what happens to you if you're a SAHM

[ScaredandUnderconfident]

and you get divorced?

Are you just screwed financially?

Well it depends how old the children are and whether you are prepared to go back to work or not really. I was a single parent for 7 years but I worked full time to make sure we were comfortable. I wouldn't have been comfortable living on a small income from income support as it was then but if you can make it work and are happy to live very frugally you could stay home until your youngest is 3 as I think this is when you have to look for work with universal credit.

If you claim WTC I think something like 75% of childcare is paid for by the government so not as expensive as you think

Too many variables : you need to seek professional advice.

Yes. I am doing that.

It's just going round and round in my head that the dcs and I will be left struggling.

You would be expected to a part time job atleast 16 hours and get top up with UC.

Normally you’re expected to work and support yourself, and your ex is to contribute to the costs of the children as are you. Clearly this can be via benefits or employment or both.

Assets that came into being during the marriage, are in a divorce split equally, spousal support is very rare now.

So bottom line is once divorced you can expect your ex to contribute to raising the kids, you cannot expect him to continue to support you financially.

Yes. It's very easy for a full time worker to walk away from their family for the price of 10-20% of their gross income per month and 60% of any assets.

Unless the ex is very rich the SAHP will need to get a job and/or be very poor.

I would point out that 10-20% of gross income usually goes nowhere near to 50% of the cost of upkeep for the children.

You get a job and provide for yourself financially.

Why on earth is this such a common question?!

Yes. It's very easy for a full time worker to walk away from their family for the price of 10-20% of their gross income per month and 60% of any assets.

She hasn’t said what has caused the marriage to end. But ending a marriage is not walking away from your kids. It’s right that someone is not normally entitled to continual financial support when a marriage ends, irrelevant of gender. The days of a meal ticket for life have gone

The days of a meal ticket for life have gone

This isn't about a meal ticket for life but a recognition that the resident parent, most often the mum will have caring responsibilities that impact earning opportunities. If the non resident parent can't contribute fairly for childcare then they need to contribute financially so that the burden is fair.

Too often the non resident parent, mostly Dads, pay way too little to support the other parent taking on 80% of child responsibilities. Why does the non resident parent expect to pay only 10 or 20% of gross salary for childcare??

Exh refuses to cover sickness or even commit to regular contact if he is away with work...therefore he has to pay more to cover his lack of childcare.

Studies show mothers are financially worse off after divorce whereas Dads/men are better off. These are the facts, not the meal ticket myth that is bandied around by poorly informed people.

I would say the ONLY parent getting the meal ticket is the nrp, normally the Dad.

Nrp often have to sign over way more than 50-60% of total assets and also start almost from scratch. Most dads I know live in smaller properties as a result. It’s not easy for dads to leave, losing both assists and Access to children.
Most women I know who were sahm walk away with properties and assets way in excess of what their own earnings would have afforded.
It’s not an easy process and for most divorce means both parties are worse off financially

It’s not an easy process and for most divorce means both parties are worse off financially

This.

@Techway what is the right amount a NRP should pay then?

Maybe some women should ease up on the control of their kids and allow the NRP more access? Oh no cant do that not suitable cos they will lose out of money.

Remember the NRP has the same Bill's to pay and then lose 20% of wage as well which could be alot if he earns a fair wack.

The government need to do 2 inprison dads who dont pay child maintenance and also need to put a threat to rp they will lose child maintenance who stop or deny their children from accessing the NRP but that is obviously if there is no DV in place.

So do we think on balance that 10-20% of earnings to pay for children is a meal ticket for life? I doubt for most RPs it covers anything like half the cost of the children.

As for NRPs access, those who go to court will always get access unless there's a very good reason why not. Most NRPs don't ask for 50/50 access.

The SAHP has a substantial gap in their CV and will probably never reach the earning potential they would have had without children.

These days most NRPs will get at least 40% of the marital home unless there are substantial additional assets to offset against this.

Maybe in past times the SAHP usually got good settlements but those days have gone.

How old are your children? When did you last work.

Divorce has always been a daunting prospect for the financially weaker party, and historically this has been the woman. It is not so much the cost of the proceedings that is daunting – but the aftermath. As the CII report shows, typically it’s women who absorb the risk: those in middle age can find themselves unemployable in an industry they may have thrived in before their marriage and/or having children.

Look at the studies rather than slogans such as "meal tickets" which is a fake news. There was a man, who used to post about his Ex wife "living in luxury" on his contribution of a £200 a month for his child.
It suits some to ignore the reality which is that resident parents are impacted financially. The denial nd delusion from nrp is astounding.

Courts award 50% of assets usually and most nrp refuse to take on childcare responsibilities. Ex H wont step up to his regular weekends or midweek and despite having 50% of holidays refuses to do his share...his work, hobbies and gf take precedent. He is not the exception by any means.

It will take a whole generation of men to sacrifice careers equally, from birth, before there is true financial equality.

What I find particularly galling is that the rules put in place to protect SAHMs are now protecting dads who haven't bothered to plan for the future.

I'm divorcing my husband, largely because I'm sick of his financial recklessness, I have to act now in order to protect my retirement and my children's inheritance. My career prospects have suffered because I was the one who needed to be able to take time off work if the children were ill or anything else came up. I supported him whilst he went back to University and retrained shortly after we were married, and in supporting his career my own earning prospects have been damaged.

Yet now he's an unemployed soon-to-be 55-year-old with a spotty work history and he's going to get a chunk of my pension, a chunk of the share options earned from my employers (which would have been sold years ago to support his unemployment if he had his way) and at least half of the equity in our house. Until the last few years our financial contributions were around the same, but he has always taken more out again than I have.

Eight years ago he suggested we separate our finances, a master stroke on his part as otherwise I'd have been very happily divorced for years by now. Of course he's now forgotten all about that and there is no legal basis for it, so he's going to get half of everything I've put away in the last 8 years as well as everything we built up when our finances were joint and he has built up nothing and has actually continued spending joint money whenever his earnings (when he was earning) ran out.

I'm not actually sure what the point of this rant was, maybe that divorce sucks, but some times it sucks even more to stay married and in that case you just have to bit the bullet, push on through, and pray that all those people saying it's better on the other side are right.

That's what I'm doing anyway, biting the bullet (otherwise I'd shoot him with it) and praying.

@zalen - lots of men are like that and it’s not so great to be on the receiving end. I luckily didn’t marry my ex so kept most of my stuff. He cost me a fortune over the years though.

I would like to see a fairer system of child support so that women (Or men) are not penalized for taking the main Carer role. I don’t think it should be tied to marriage, men should pay for their children whether married to the mother or not.

You go out and get a job!

Your contribution as a SAHM will be recognized in a financial settlement and then it's up to you.

Unless your DC have needs for you to be a SAHM that's the way it works. Simple.

Theres something really rewarding in creating your own destiny.

It takes a compromise for both you and your ex. As above posters have said, you both take the hit.