Any tips for getting through a split

[Mumofkimkiercar]

I’ve been married almost twenty years. Three children.We’ve had our ups and downs over the years but I thought we would be able to overcome anything.

However hubby announced last month he doesn’t want to work on our marriage anymore. I’m devastated for myself and for my children. I can’t stop crying and he has shown no emotion at all.

Nothing has changed yet as obviously we are on lockdown and so he can’t find anywhere else.

I’m just hoping to hear from people who have been where I am that there is hope to get over it as at the moment I just don’t see how. X

Hi
I'm in a similar position to you, although only married 6 years and with two small children. My husband announced he wanted to separate in the second week of lockdown (after I spent the first week stressing about home schooling and trying to get hold of food). I have days when I feel strong and I plan a future of doing things my way, and days when I'm a wreck and feel completely overwhelmed by emotions and out of control because I don't know how to move things forward, particularly while we're locked down. I've found a few things helpful, at times, anyway: going for a walk without children, yoga, talking to a counsellor, talking to a lawyer, talking to friends and family, writing copious notes about how I'm feeling and positive things I'm going to do when we're no longer living together, making a note every time my husband does something that annoys me that I think I'll no longer have to put up with, reading books about separation and divorce, chocolate and binge watching Netflix shows when I really don't want to think about it anymore.

It is undoubtedly the toughest time of my life, and I've been surprised by the grief I have felt, but I do feel (at the moment - it may well change tomorrow!) that I can come out the other side stronger and happier.

I am also go9ng through a separation and it has to be the hardest thing I have eve gone through. We have been stuck living next to each other for the past year and I've really struggled. I have lost 2 stone in weight as my mental health has suffered. He is moving at the end of the month so I really hope I can recover and move on with my.life. It's a hard journey to go through.

Make a list of all the things you'd like to do that he didn't, then make plans to do them all.

Also make lists of things you did/watched/ate/listened to that annoyed him and do/watch/eat/listen to them!

All of the above helped me hugely when my first husband left me after we'd been together from when I was 18 to 29.

He also once said of my weight "the problem is, I'll always remember you being skinny". What a charmer!

Oh I can match that @KellyHall

First time my ex saw me naked, he said "well- nothing ACTUALLY sags".... and I was a lovely size 12 seventeen year old then. Why oh why did I not run a mile right then???

Well I am glad I didn't because I have my daughter..... but other than that, it would have been a great escape! 😂

I have been divorced for almost a year after being with my ex husband for 25 years. We have 3 children and it has not been easy but we are both OK now which I doubted would ever happen at the beginning. The replies you've received have been so heartfelt and encouraging and bloody lovely that I have nothing to add but you can and you will do this. Good luck

I'm trying not to cry as I write this - has anyone else found that you left all of your friends go because of marriage and kids being the first priority but he has his network still in tack???? I'm literally starting from scratch in terms of friends.......feeling so alone right now

Oh @KOC1981 yes my ex had far more friends than me but I think a lot of those have drifted away from him now. I'm pretty happy in my own company and always have been but you will find new friends. Think of it as a positive and exciting thing; you can almost recreate yourself and choose brand new friends who know you as the person you are now becoming

Listening to other people's situation really help me as sometimes you feel like you are the only.person that's is going through this awful situation. It's also really refreshing to know that their is light at the end of the tunnel. X

Thank you all for your replies. I have been reading them even though I haven’t replied.
The advice is really helping.

I asked him tonight if he’s started looking for somewhere else to live. He says he will look at the weekend. I don’t feel it’s fair to continue living in the same house and on opposite sides of the bed when the marriage is over in his eyes. It’s also confusing for the children.
Mod course, I would still rather he turned around and said he has changed his mind but sadly the chance of that is slim.......

Xxx