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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How do you cope with abusive Ex long term?

2 replies

Celine12 · 05/05/2020 22:39

Hi

I’m looking for some advice on how you ladies cope with an abusive, controlling coercive ex long term? It was written in the hearing findings that my ex is controlling and coercive and subjected me to abuse, including physical abuse. He has been ordered to stay away from me and not to threaten, pester or harass me.

He has started pestering me via email again. I cannot keep blocking him as we have two children. Of course I have reminded him that he has been ordered not to threaten, pester or harrass. He stops for a while, then it starts up again. I know he is trying to manipulate me and the undercurrent threats are there. I have to just ignore them. This winds him up and he accuses me of refusing to communicate with him. This has all been discussed in court and he has been told he is controlling and coercive and his emails amount to harrassment.

I can of course report this to the court and apparently he will face imprisonment or a fine. I have to have this man in my life until my children are old enough to see him without me making arrangements.

Please please can anyone offer any advice on how I can deal with this in the long term, like 10-15 years?! Doing this has sucked me of energy and has really affected my wellbeing for the last three years. He will not change. I realise that, so I need to cope. Thank you

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 06/05/2020 13:58

Honestly report him, he will keep going till you do, because he doesn't believe you will stand up to him.
My ExH would do this finally a couple of large policemen visited him and explained to in words of one syllable that his emails should be restricted to logistics relating to our daughter.

Lorry123 · 06/05/2020 16:33

You have to ignore the threats and rudeness and just answer in a very bland matter of fact way. Either that or flatly ignore everything. My ex is exactly the same - I had tried everything but in the end what worked was I had some EMDR therapy which took away all my fear and feelings of intimidation from this man and now I ignore everything and just follow the court orders to the letter. It’s tough on the kids but I’ve explained I will not have a toxic controlling individual in my life even if that person is their father

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