Amicable separation help

[SolgalleoRules]

Just to give a bit of background. Been with DH 20 years (since we were 18) and married 12. Have two children (8 & 6). Eldest has autism (mainstream school but full time 1:1) with challenging behaviour. Both in well paid jobs but I'm part time since having kids. Husband on sick leave nearly 6 months with depression, due to return to work in June (front line so will happen regardless of Covid)

We've been unhappy a long time. Nobody else involved we've just realised we're not compatible as a couple. He moved out in January as a trial run but we're happier and decided this is a permanent thing.

We're now working out finances. I'm not sure how we go about this. He's not being difficult and wants the kids well provided for. House is a joint mortgage and he's renting elsewhere. Continuing to split the mortgage 50:50.

Can we do this without legal help? I'm not concerned that he's going to try and 'take more than his fair share'. Neither of us are looking for anyone else but presumably in the future such intertwined finances won't work. We're both keen that we work through this in a way to minimise disruption for the kids (don't want to move house as autistic son will struggle massively) and we don't want to line solicitors pockets if it's not needed!

Childcare is split fairly (he's doing slightly more at the moment as I'm working).

Not sure what advice I want/need. Possibly a handhold as its all new in part! I'm. Is there a way of roughly calculating what we would be eligible for to see if it's about right?

Happy to answer questions as I may not have put the right info here!

I spoke to wikivorce regarding similar situation for myself.

I believe because myself and husband have agreed the financial and child arrangements ourself, we can therefore use an online service and not involve solicitors.

Hi op, I was in your position 4 years ago. I'd just put a word of caution in that it may be amicable now but things can change. Knowing that I wanted a clean slate so

We sold the family home, he had 25% of equity and I had the remaining 75% this was because we decided the dc would be with me the majority of the time.

We filed for divorce using the guides online and had zero issues with this.

I used the child maintenance calculator to work out what he should be paying for the dc. Mine were 12 & 13 at the time and he had them one night weekly.

Things were great for the first year then exh met somebody else and decided he shouldn't have to pay as much agreed maintenance as I have a decent salary too. I ended up doing it formally via the CMS and things soured a lot - more civil now but just a word of warning. Protect yourself.

You can separate and in due course do the divorce yourself, two years separation with consent being the smoothest fact to rely on from what you have said. Re finances, you will need a solicitor to draw up a "Consent Order" recording a financial agreement that will be legally binding and dismiss all future financial claims between you. If you don't do this and life moves on, you will leave yourself vulnerable to one party reneging or making claims against future assets. Hope that helps!

You could seek out family mediator. They will support you both impartially to finalise your agreement then you can get it formally put together by a solicitor. They are around £150 an hour but a lot cheaper than doing the bulk by solicitor. It is in your best interests to get a professional to oversee your financal plans. Please don't assume things will stay amicable. You just never know. Better to get proper advice. Good luck

Thank you that’s really helpful. I don’t want to move house while the kids are so young. Partly due to our autistic son needing stability. But also because it’s likely the housing market is about to tank. We talked about an arrangement where the house is ‘guaranteed’ until the kids are older and it’s remains a joint investment and at that point I suppose I’ll have to buy him out

It’s still amicable but him being out the house really makes me see that I’m happier without him!

I want I want I want. Of course its going amicably cos you are getting everything you want. Wait until he starts thinking about it properly.

Is he paying 50% mortgage and child maintenance ?

You would be strongly advised to sort this out now. A consent order won't have validity without at least both of you receiving independent legal advice and the judge is happy. If things are amicable then now is a good time to do it, but this is usually when things stop being amicable

Divorce itself is simple to do yourself online via the gov website. Very quick and straightforward. Is a separate process to the financial settlement.

You can do the consent (financial) order yourself, my ex got a solicitor to do ours, it got filed on 23rd April and waiting for it to come back.

No, he’s not paying child maintenance. We’ve divided our finances ourselves and we both feel it’s fair so it’s not In want I want I want’

The only reason for splitting the mortgage is because we see it as a joint investment that we’ll split 50:50 at the time of sale but given the market uncertainties now is not the time to sell up.

He’s paying the rent for his place out of his pay but because I am in the house I’m paying all the bills and also paying most of the kids costs as they’re with me most of the time

And despite thebusdriver suggesting I’m being grabby I’ve been out to the shops to do my shopping and did his too (one trip to the shops rather than two in Covid times) and didn’t ask him for a penny. Because we still care for each other