I want out.

[whatamistakeimade]

Hello. Name change for obvious reasons. I want out of the marriage. It's been a really difficult relationship and I can't bear it any more. Please guide me how to make a start to end this. I had a look on the Gov site and feel a bit over whelmed.

How long have you been married? Do you have somewhere to go?

Thank you for your reply. 10 years married with DC aged 9. I haven't got a place to go but I am so fed up I just want out. The idea of having no place & no money scares me but it's either out of this mess or ending my life. It's been a very hard journey most times.

Contact the council about accommodation or even private rents. You will get help for you and your DC. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Have you heard of getting your ducks in a row? Have you looked at the benefits calculator entitled to.com? Are you safe?

I have tried the benefits calculator but It asks details about husbands finances, which I haven't got a clue about. It's calculates what I am entitled to as a couple.

You need to do the calculator as a single person not with your husbands wages.

Minimum... Thank you. I will do the calculations now

Just did the calculations, it's £600 per month. Its not enough to move out. I don't have a penny to my name. It's easier to die than fight all this. Thank you all for your help

Think of your DC
You can get through this
You can get away
Take some time, try to find out info about his finances
Try to see a solicitor
Or if you or your dc are at risk from him call Women’s Aid
Go and stay with a friend or relative
You can do this, there is a way out.

You should get your rent paid for and council tax on top of the £600. Also maintenance from your husband. You DC need you. Please don't leave them with you husband if he is a bar person.

Bad person not bar

Women's aid may be able to assist

OP I know you're in pain but please think about the pain your child will bear without his mama in life. You are their all.

Apply for universal credit, and look for a house that accepts housing benefit. You should get a personal allowance, an allowance for your child and also housing allowance.

You should get approx £680 plus rent assuming you have no savings.
www.entitledto.co.uk/help/Universal-Credit-Rates
You can also earn up to £292 before anything gets deducted from universal credit.
Any child maintenance you get will be on top of that.

I divorced my ex about 10 years ago without a solicitor. Just completed the form, paid about £350, took a few months but we got there.

A DIY divorce only works when you can agree. This man sounds financially abusive

Dear OP, I hope you got some sleep. After a ten year marriage he will have to share money with you in divorce that he keeps to himself in marriage.

Hi there, OP,

We hope you're feeling a bit better this morning. We were concerned about your last post here and so just wanted to pop in with some links to help.

If you're feeling really down and helpless there are lots of numbers in our Mental Health Webguide that might be useful. There's also more advice on the issues you're having trouble with on our Relationships Webguide.

We hope they're of some use. Do pop back when you have a moment and let us know how you're getting on.

Thank you every one for your help. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I had loads of thoughts going through my head, not necessarily sensible ones.
I am finding this whole thing extremely difficult. I have been here for over 10 years & have ILR. I am not sure whether I am entitled to benefits until I get this thing sorted? I moved to the UK for this marriage & it's very hurtful to see someone be so mean day in and day out. I am away from family. His parents are here but they very much like him. That's another story for another day .

I don't work but do most of the things that are required to run a house hold. I had a career but not anymore. Can I restart logically? I genuinely know that my lack of financial independence has made the whole thing worse. Sorry for the rambling.

Just to add, he loves DC & we are not in danger.

With ILR you are entitled to "public funds", which means you can receive benefits. If you have the money, given you've been here so long, you should just sort your citizenship application out. It will make things a lot easier, especially as you may be asked for proof of ILR.

As for your career, what did you used to do? Depending on what it was, it may be possible to convert any professional qualifications.

8th Month.... Thank you for your reply. I don't want to change my citizenship, as my country of birth doesn't allow dual nationality & I don't want to lose my original nationality due to various reasons.

As far the profession goes I was a solicitor & will need a conversion course to be back in practice. I just don't feel confident enough to think along those line both physically & mentally. I am touching 40's and it seems like an uphill battle

Do you own your own home OP (mortgage or outright) or do you rent ?

After ten years of marriage you will be entitled to a percentage of the marital assets. Starting point is 50/50. Often more if your child with live with you the majority of the time. You will also be entitled to a proportion of his pension in normal circumstances. However you will need a solicitor - if he keeps all the money hidden and you aren't allowed any access to know what there is - then he has to be forced to 'disclose this' during divorce proceedings.

Some solicitors will offer you a free consultation but you need to have some facts in order for them to help you.

If he has money, then the lawyers can often offer for you to pay them from the settlement. If there is no information then they can't estimate how much it will cost.

Getting your 'ducks in a row' means doing a bit of hunting for paper work.

Find out who he banks with.
Try to get account number (these are often printed on his debit cards)
Look around for any building society /savings accounts.
Look for letters from a mortgage company if your house is owned by him. (It's owned by you too!)

Have a look online for property like yours in a similar area - try Zoopla . They have recently sold prices in your area, put in the postcode and see roughly what your house is worth.

What sort of employment does your husband do ? Try to find a wage slip or bank letter.

Does he earn well or do you struggle (as a family struggle).

If you rent, he is on a low wage and he has no savings, car, other valuable assets then you are best off to simply apply for a divorce on line. If there is nothing to share although I suspect there is probably a pension at the very least.

@whatamistakeimade your birth country may not recognise dual citizenship, but many people I know in a similar position just abide by the "don't ask, don't tell" policy when taking on the illicit second citizenship.

I know that doing conversion courses is no easy thing. I suspect that after 10 years out of practice, your confidence may be quite low. I just started back at work 4 months ago (an accountant back in practice, wrong side of 40), after taking a 4 year break and still lack confidence. I didn't think it would work with 3 young kids, but it kinda has. Like anything and everything, some days are better than others.

If you want to leave it's best to have some way of earning a living. Look into the conversion exams and at least figure out what options you may or may not have. Could you do it while DC9 is doing his school work?

Or perhaps look at lower entry level jobs in the legal profession. Build up your confidence before deciding if a conversion course is right for you.