Mediation for child arrangements

[MG08]

Been separated 6 months, husband isn't happy with the current child contact arrangement even though it is very reasonable and was jointly decided at the beginning through him deciding when he would and wouldn't see our daughter. He has filed for divorce and has now applied for mediation.

Can anyone explain how mediation works? He does not listen to anything I say and when I compromise he just says that I make all the decisions. I make decisions in the best interests of our child and he just accuses me of making things up and restricting her by keeping to her routine for her to feel secure etc.

How can you mediate with someone who only wants what they want and nothing else is good enough? I know he is only doing this so he can take me to court, but obviously I really want to prevent this so want mediation to work.

You can't. I'm in the same position and my ex thinks mediation is having a third party there to back him up as he tries to get what he wants.

For some they manage to find a way forward with a mediator.

For many though, mediation is needed as a prerequisite for attending court for a child arrangements order.

Mediators can be extremely good at getting everyone to see things differently, and agreeing an outcome. You might find it much more productive than you’re imagining.

Thank you for your replies. I have since found out he has only applied as he wants to take me to court, so complete waste of money attending on my part. I am going to go for the first meeting and if he refuses to budge on what he wants I will end mediation there and he can take me to court.

Mediation only works if both parties are willing to compromise, and understand the point of being at mediation. Unfortunately in a lot of cases at least one side doesn't want to compromise and that can't work. You also can't mediate effectively when there's a history of bullying or abuse. If he just wants to go to court, the ask for a mediation certificate and don't waste your money on the appointment.

Can anyone share what happens in mediation? I've literally no idea what to expect. Do you get asked questions? We are doing shuttle mediation so I assume I get asked things and answered shared with him the vice versa?

When there is no scope of face to face mediation, or it has been failed after several attempts, then a shuttle mediation can be performed and if the circumstances forces for such, then there is no other option but to hold a shuttle mediation.

It is often asked, which one is better a face to face or shuttle mediation and the answer lies in the context of both the parties. If the situation between two parties is such that any violence broke out recently or too much emotion is present that can stop taking any decision, then shuttle mediation is the only way left for the mediator.

In this case, both parties sit in the different room unlike in the face to face mediation and mediator is responsible for communicating between both the parties.