Hi,
Long story but I’m married to a man ten years older than me and have been very unhappy for a while as there are no feelings there for me and we live in a loveless/sexless marriage (10 years without intimacy...my doing). We get on ok but it has become obvious to me that we’re nothing more than friends and this has bothered me so much over the last 3 years. I want to end it. I’m 48 and we’ve been married 22 years.
He knows I am unhappy but has buried his head in the sand. My frustration has led to anger at times, not because I’m an angry person but because I’m unhappy and feel tied down. All of our parents are RIP. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I grew up with my mother.
I have told him a few times that I want to split and he just points to the door so I know where it is. I am trying to be as amicable as possible and make him realise we’re just friends. He said that our kids want to stay in the family home and it is me who has to leave if I want to end it.
We are mortgage free. He also has a house in trust, although I’m not interested in that. Our children are 16 and 12. Our house is a four bed detached in a nice area. We both work but I earn quite a bit more (senior NHS role). He has said he will buy me out and that he has explored his options. He couldn’t afford to! I know he is just saying things to stop me from doing anything.
We sleep in separate rooms. Have done over a year. I haven’t worn my wedding ring in 2 years. We haven’t had sex in ten years and I am an attractive woman for my age (I don’t want him as I find him off putting). We lack connection. He was always very poor sexually, anyway, and I began to realise we were incompatible in lots of ways. He just won’t accept it.
We have a joint bank account although I have now, secretly, opened up an account with another bank and have arranged to have my salary paid into it. I feel like he has taken advantage of me, for money, over the years.
I am thinking of renting a cottage in September and was hoping he’d agree to selling the family home. If I rent, he gets to live in the family home! Plus, who will pay the bills on the family home if we have 50:50 custody of the children?
I just wanted some advice as to where I stand. I was hoping to do a DIY divorce and sort something amicably but I’m not so sure now!