Advice needed re. CAO / Covid 19

[user765]

Has anyone had their ex apply to vary a child arrangements order in light of Covid 19 because the contact centres are closed? I’m talking about domestic cases.

In March just before Lockdown my CAO was wrapped up after fact finding. My ex has been ordered to undertake considerable therapy as he has multiple mental health and drug issues and was found guilty of coercive control, harrassment and domestic abuse.

It was ordered that he will see the children every three weeks in a contact centre, supervised for 6 months. He may then apply to vary the order if he has made progress with therapy, if not then contact will stop and be letters only, providing his letters are appropriate. This is because his issues were having a negative impact on the children, he was attempting to manipulate them and my daughter told Cafcass that she was scared of him.

The judge said he could not apply for anything within 6 months and there would be no changes until he has had considerable therapy and been sent back to the forensic psychologist for an assessment, and I had to agree that I felt that both me and the children were not at risk.

I have received an email from him (despite being ordered not to contact me) saying he will be communicating with me directly and will be applying to vary the CAO in light of C19 so as to ensure ‘the children are not prejudiced’ (bollocks - it is about him and what he thinks his rights are).

I’m just wondering whether this will even be considered by the court or whether they will say wait it out. It was such a huge relief to have a break from a the proceedings as they have been going on since 2018 and my ex was using the system to bully me. We have had eight hearings and it has been so so stressful and I just can’t bear the thought of more of it.

Face time is not really an option. The court deemed it inappropriate because each time I unblocked him, he harassed me and used the calls to manipulate the children and formulate allegations against me. Plus I am pretty sure a FaceTime will do more harm than good because in the past the children have been really upset by his emotional and mental state and the things he has said. They are 4 and 6.

He sounds like a total arse and that the courts/cafcass have got the measure of him. Others will comment I’m sure, but from what I know from talking to my own solicitor and seeing what other parents in similar situations are going through, very many abusers are trying to use the covid 19 situation to change things to their advantage. This has been noted by family lawyers, and as the cases move through court, it will be noted by judges too. This is an unsettling time for young kids in particular, and you are their one parent they can trust to put their well being first and to protect them from the risk and abuse their father poses. From what you have said, their abusive father has not done anything to change or improve himself (he’s just trying to use covid 19 to wriggle out of the court order for him to do work on himself) so there is no sensible reason the safeguards put in place by court for good reason should be removed. Covid 19 doesn’t make your kids magically less vulnerable. Not does not make you less vulnerable either (eg I can imagine FaceTime in your own home is somewhat traumatic). It sounds to me like you are doing everything you should and you should take confidence a judge/cafcass will see that. Stand up to him and say no. Can you get legal aid and a solicitor to write to the court for you?

Hey, thanks for your reply. I don’t qualify for legal aid (I’ve applied three times). I did have a solicitor but my costs escalated because my ex emailed them 10 times a day deliberately to run costs up. The children had a solicitor, so legal aid, through Cafcass, as they recognised the issues. That was ok as everything then went through him. But the hearing last month was a final hearing and therefore Cafcass involvement has ended, along with the children’s solicitor. So now I suppose he has to email me directly but the court were pretty clear that he was not to reapply before 6 months.

You are exactly right as he is using this as an excuse to get out of having his therapy. He has used anything as an excuse before and made up so many lies as excuses. The court will see through him, as they have now seen through everything else, it’s just the chaos and stress that he causes in order to do this. I suppose if using corona is recognised as a common issue then he should be stopped, hopefully.

Obviously I’m not a solicitor, so maybe get this checked out with women’s aid, but it sounds like your best bet is to just sit tight and let him do his application. Chances are the courts are massively behind anyway due to lock down, so it’ll take ages to get processed, and when it finally does, hopefully the courts will see that he’s not supposed to have recourse to them for at least 6 months. If you can, may be just send him a very short brief reply stating there has been no change to the risk he poses to the children and therefore you won’t be agreeing to his demands and neither will you be engaging with him further until the 6 months have past and he has shown he has done the therapy he had been told to do and shown progress? My lawyer always tells me to be brief and not to feel the need to defend my actions and position (not least because it then encourages perpetrators to come back with more BS) so maybe follow that advice too. Good luck. Btw I think I have seen more replies to queries like yours in the “legal” section (I think it’s under “other stuff”) in case you want to get more input.

Thank you, yes you are right, the courts will be so behind and I shall just sight tight. Thank you x