Would you allow this during lockdown?

[CC785]

I would really love some opinion on this. I have been separated from my ex for 2 years and I bought a house for myself and my two girls who are now 12&15 while my ex made a very random decision to move 80 miles away into a houseshare (it wasn't a financial or work decision). We have had no agreement in place for him to see the kids as he likes to see them when it suits him. I haven't been able to do anything about it as his visa status is pending so we can't appear separated or he will have to return to his home country which would be deviating for the kids. He changes plans deliberately knowing it will disrupt any I have and has had them stay just twice in the two years (not happy about that either as he left them once with a male housemate and went on a date!). Anyway, he is missing them now during lockdown and wants them to stay this week. People in the house are still working and so out and about and I just don't want the kids put at risk like that. The kids want to go as they are bored of our 4 walls, but I have suggested he can come here to see them, which he is saying isn't fair. Any advice?

No it's not fair and I wouldn't let him stay either.

Allowing kids to move between parents houses is about maintaining existing contact and even in those circumstances I very much doubt I'd be letting mine go to stay in a HMO.

This is not about - "I'm bored (or my kids are bored) who can we go and see?"

On the other hand, kids are at very low risk even if they show symptoms.

He didn't seem worried about his visa or contact when he moved away.

If he is not willing to be 'separated', then they can't go as you haven't an answer as to why you are stopped on the journey or if the worst came to the worst, why you were on the roads if you had an accident.

He lives in a house share with other adults?
I wouldn’t allow my children to stay in a house with other adults who were not the partner of their father! Also my ex was told by Cafcass and the court that if he lived in a house share (he did briefly) that the children would not be allowed to visit him there.

So he is very lucky that you have kindly offered that he visit the children in your home.

And also re not comment, I mean this in normal circumstances! In normal circumstances there are safeguarding issues.

With the current situation I would not risk him having contact with the children if his housemates have not been isolating.

The government have put advice that children from split families can do FaceTime if it is not appropriate to move between houses.

You've been very generous offering to have him at yours. It's either that or nothing - he takes his pick! Don't feel you need to negotiate on this - his track record doesn't warrant it. In any event a HMO seems unsuitable but definitely in the current climate.

You are too kind. If he has had the children twice in the past 2 years, then maybe let his visa lapse and he can take holidays here to spend quality time with them. Where is he from BTW?