Advice on agreeing finances after separation but before divorce

[BunnyandBee]

Me and H have been separated for about 3 months now. There is no doubt that the marriage is over (ow for him etc etc.)
We both agree we need to sell the house within the next 12 months (neither could afford it alone or buy the other out). I am feeling reluctant to do so until we have some sort of agreement in writing with regards to what we will do with the equity (which I will use to put towards a smaller house for me and DC).

We are fairly equal in terms of assets (similar incomes, savings, same pension scheme; he will have more given my maternity leave/reduced hours due to childcare) going to apply for CETV asap. Due to the children still being small I will be part time for the next 2 years minimum. As a result my mortgage raising capability is currently hindered compared to his.

We have a good plan in place in terms of contact. We have agreed day to day finances and maintenance.

I have proposed 55:45 equity split in my favour. Which he currently is ok with, but also wants someone to 'tell him what's fair'

So my questions (and I know there is probably no definite answer)...

Would mediation be the best option to ensure that we have considered and discussed things fairly?

I know the memorandum of understanding from mediation can be converted into the consent order, but what if we don't do that for another 2 years? Will it still stand??

Should I just start divorce proceedings, even though I don't really want the extra stress right now?!

Are there any other options? Solicitors seem expensive and they tend to recommend mediation anyway.

Have looked into Amicable and would seriously consider them if we decide just to get on with the divorce as they have coaching as part of the process which seems akin to mediation.

Just feel a bit confused. Don't have loads of cash floating around and as we are generally in agreement I want to keeps things simple (if possible!)

Wow that's long.sorry

If you have both reached an agreement you are more or less happy with, which is what mediation aims to achieve , then the next stage is to discuss it with your respective legal advisers.

I doubt it’s the right time for a house sale. Perhaps you need to agree something interim for the next 12 months. Nobody is realistically going to buy for months never mind move.

Please get a good lawyer now - I would have started at 70/30 minimum if you have to house young children. What you have proposed is far too low.

Myself and my exh pretty much agreed all financials between us and then both took legal advice. (Judge wouldnt of signed of consent order otherwise) I was a sahm, 3 small dc, 1 was a newborn and he was a high earner, he left me for an ow. My solicitor did advise that i could go for a 70/30 split but i didnt want that, we were talking, we were amicable, as much as i hated what he had done he was the dcs dad they loved him and vice versa and i just wanted to be left financially secure without taking him to the cleaners. I also knew going forward that i would need a good co parenting relationship with him for a number of years and that was worth more than money, luckily my ex felt the same, he knew that he was walking away with a good deal and so he has stuck to his word and never been financialy abusive and always helped out monitarily wise if needed.
We agreed a 55/45 split as dc needed 2 homes, not 1 home and daddies dinghy flat, pension split equally along with other assets. Going forward if ive had a big bill repair wise on house or child related he has offered to pay, ive not necessarily accepted, but the offer is there. Yes he walked away very well out of the deal but in a way so have i, ive built a life with my dc that i am happy with, we dont go without and life is good. The dc are happy, they see their dad and have a fab relationship with him and more importantly they see that we get on and co parent effectively, the dc certainly cant play us off against each other and for me thats been worth much more than a bigger split of marital assets.

@Phillipa12 I hope mine is a smooth as this!
He is adamant it’s a 50/50 split!
This virus has helped him a lot as I believe he will drive our business under so he has zero income and therefore can’t pay me.
What he doesn’t realise is that I will go for assets to cover that loss.
I know I’ll have to go back to work but he has the ability to go back to high earner I don’t!
We are hoping to donut in stages so I can move out without renting.
Decided what I will probably over pay in house is the cost of renting for a year.
Plan is agreement quickly and wait for rubber stamp. Let’s hope it works!

My advice to your question would be 'don't'

Walk everything past a good solicitor, even if you think it's fair, even if you think it's a waste of money, still seek the advice of a good solicitor before agreeing to anything. Even if you do agree without a solicitor, get the agreement tied up legally.'

@copycopypaste I have one of those thank you.
One that has a good dislike for controlling men!!!!

Thanks all.
@Phillipa12 it sounds like you have a similar to mindset to me. I am pleased it has worked out for you.

I will take on board advice re: a good solicitor. I met with one firm who seemed good and have had telephone advice from another.

I think we need to get our pension cetvs sorted and then once all of that is in order, get some advice.

It feels like it will be on hold for a little while now anyway.

Your split should be higher in your favour.

I did the financial order alongside the divorce. My solicitor wouldn't apply for the decree absolute until the financial order was all but done. His advice was if something happened to ex before financials were sorted but we weren't divorced I'd still get everything.

I did remortgage though into my name and paid ex a small lump sum as agreed. This was months before everything was signed off. My solicitor said I'd offered a good deal and ex was happy to take it.

It's great that you want to keep it amicable but please don't let that prevent you from insisting on a fair settlement. You really need a higher starting percentage if you will be primary carer for the children and need to house them. You also have slightly reduced earning potential due to the young children, and this should be recognised. Also you need to get the best lump sum deal you can now, as even if you agree monthly maintenance he can stop paying at any time for no reason, and this often happens when the man meets someone new.

Sadly for me he wants the kids 50/50. Because he is a lazy arse and doesn’t work right now my solicitor says I have no legal argument to stop that. He is vile to me not the dc.
We are still to mediate the kids once this is over and my argument is dd is 13 and can choose herself what she wants to do. I believe she will want more time with me.

We all have to put our faith in the solicitor and that they are doing the right thing and will get the best deal. There is a nasty streak in her so I believe she will.
He can’t stand successful women or fat women. And she is both!!!! Bring it on were her words!!