Practicalities and maybe a handhold?

[user1495870676]

So after numerous posts on DH drinking under various name changes ( so I wouldn't be judged for not following advice) we are now finally over.The last straw is after him being sober since new year he went out to pub on Tuesday when I asked him not to. He was not out of order but drunk when he came home and went straight to bed ( at teatime, Dcs were eating dinner) . He says he needs to have a life and I'm being unfair.
Before whenever I gave an ultimatum or said it was over I always put the ball back in his court by saying things like I don't want this but your behaviour has pushed us here, or in arguments he would ask if I want to split up and I would say no but I can't cope with AB&C. But this time I said I dont want be together anymore. So now I have told him that I want to separate and why. My decision not forced or a desperate hope he will change or be sorry. He laughed and said if that's what I want fine. I haven't spoken to him since. He said he was going to arrange somewhere to stay. He works nightshift so I dont have to see him for a few days.
We have no savings. We have a mortgage together.
I have to work tomorrow but I am really dreading it and I don't know how or what to tell people.
How do we tell DCs? My mind is like a roundabout just now.
And through it all I am gutted because he doesn't love me enough to want to stay or for him to change or be upset. My heart is broken.

You are clearly drained from this relationship- I was exactly where you are 15 months ago.
It's very difficult to make the break but you will probably realise very quickly that it was the best decision and wonder why you didn't do it sooner.
As for the children, I would be completely honest with them, I was with mine. My ex was a lying manipulative alcoholic so with my children I wanted them to know that with me they would always get the truth and a stable loving relationship. Take one day at a time, there will be moments of panic but try to stay calm. Things will look ALOT different 6 months from now and 12 months you'll be a completely different person.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, it feels horrible to have to say to someone who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, that you don't want to be with them any more.

It sounds like our situations may be similar. Last Sunday my husband and I attended a marriage counselling session and one of the questions she asked was, 'what do you want to happen next (in your marriage)'. My answer was that I can't think of a single thing that could make me want to stay, his was 'I'm easy, whatever Zalen wants'.

I know that my answer was pretty harsh and was probably hard to hear, but I was trying to be honest and this wasn't the first time he'd heard that I didn't think things were working. This has been building for at least 8 years and maybe I'm being unreasonable, I'm certainly beyond ready for it to end, but it would be nice for him to put a little more thought into the end of a 30 year marriage than 'I'm easy'.

@Zalen how awful 'I'm easy' - you are being completely under valued.
I was so consumed with trying for my marriage (I realise that I was the only one trying), I was so confused because people would say 'marriage is hard, you've got to keep at it' now that I'm out of it I've realised marriage IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE HARD!!!
If two people, love each other, communicate together want to grow together then it's NOT HARD.
If your marriage is hard and a daily slog it's not working, you then need to adopt a different mind set of how to get out and damage control.