I have nowhere to go, can I get him to leave

[HGranger]

I am utterly miserable. My husband is being downright nasty. We are supposed to be going to marriage counselling but it just isnt working. He has a history of anger, name calling etc.

I've had enough. But I have nowhere to go and no money to do it with. House mortgaged in both our names, children. I work part time. I have no family close by, whereas he does. I can't just sack my job in. What on earth can I do. He will refuse to leave. He is still holding it against me the last time he went to stay with his family. Apparently I kicked him out, and he's not leaving 'his home' again. I can't live like this. I've been miserable for so long, but I can't take any more. What can I do?

Legally it’s unlikely as he has as much right to stay there as you do
Practically does he have places he could go ? Do your finances allow him to rent somewhere while still being on the mortgage and paying maintenance etc ??

I had a similar situation. Divorce started out amicable for a few weeks but quickly turned nasty when Ex realised that I was no longer standing for his shit and we were actually getting divorced. His behaviour escalated to a whole new level. I had sleepless nights for a full year and he tried his absolute best to make mine and the kids lives a misery.

What did I do? I sat tight and played the long game. He was never going to drag me down.

I can honestly say it was the worse year of my life thanks to him.

Now I'm free and life could not be better. I'm so happy being single. Kids live with me and took the decision to be NC with him (as am I). Ex now flits from one girlfriend to another complaining of how depressed he is about his life. (Makes me laugh given that he had affairs and wasn't happy)

So my advice is to get the divorce in motion, agree finances ASAP and get it done and dusted and enjoy your new freedom.

And just to say....my Ex earns £200k but flat refused to move out so the kids didn't have to endure his shitty nasty behaviour. So we just had to grit our teeth and put up with it. But it was genuinely worth it for the happiness and freedom that was to come. It wasn't a money thing, it was a control thing. Everything he did was to punish me

In a similar situation & unfortunately playing the long game too.

Mine is refusing to sell the house (he has no legal recourse for this) & is delaying, stonewalling & being controlling.

I'm taking a step back from it all as have tried to negotiate with him since October last year & it was really impacting on my health.

He has been awful (lying, manipulating, gaslighting & re-writing history to suit his own agenda).

It's actually quite liberating to step back. He can go do one as far as I'm concerned. And I'll just enjoy my life for a bit x

I’m just devastated. My H announced yesterday he no longer wants to be with me. We separated last January but reunited late June. We were so happy. Moved house for a fresh start but since December his drinking has escalated again. I can’t tell my friends as they think I was mad taking him back anyway. He’s told me I can’t say anything to anyone and wants me to keep quiet. He wants me to move out but leave our son with him. There is no way I can do that with his drinking behaviour. We are not speaking and it’s just awful and we are only on day 2. I want to cry but I know that won’t help. I’ve told him. He wants to end it. He needs to get the estate agents in etc this time. I just needed to tell someone as I feel so alone right now.

@Lozz73, your friends were right. You need to tell them that and tell them you need their help. He wants you to keep quiet? Tough luck.

He wants you to leave your child with him? No way on this earth.

You won't sell your house now. Nobody's going to buy in this climate. Start to think about how you can get out safely.

@Lozza73 - so sorry to hear that - you do not need to agree to any of that!

He doesn't get to decide what you tell others! Please allow your friends to support you - once the truth is out, they will want to be there for you. Don't keep his dirty secret.

And as for him wanting you to leave the house with your child in it. Forget it. No court in the land would agree to a child being left without their primary carer to stay with an alcoholic.

I am so pleased I have joined this group as I just didn’t know where to turn. His parents are away due back early next week, if they can get back into the country. I was hoping to stay quiet until they are back to see what he tells them. I know I should tell my friends but things aren’t the same with them since I took him back. I know I’ve made the biggest mistake in my life and just need to find the strength to go through it all again. Thank you for your replies, I just needed to know someone is out there. X

He don’t have to leave if it’s that bad you do. Save and rent somewhere. You don’t have to stay and unless you can pay the mortgage and bills alone you can’t keep the house anyway. We all get choices.