Thinking of separating please help me

[astuckinthemud]

Hello all, this may be a long one- I am looking for your help, advice, opinions, experience etc .

I have been with my DH for 12 years and we have 2 lovely boys together. For the last 18 months or so my feelings have changed greatly. I don't love him, I am not attracted to him at all, we haven't had sex for about a year now, I don't particularly enjoy his company - sometimes I do but its not often. He has done nothing wrong and is generally good to me and our boys worship him. The thing is I am so unhappy at home, we have talked about how I feel and he is always shocked that I feel this way, he seems to think I will get over it. But I have been feeling like this for so long now and I am unhappy and it affects my every day life. I am miserable and short tempered.
I have thought about leaving but feel I have nowhere to go as I don't work and have no family close by.
Please share your ideas and advice.....

This is me today I feel exactly the same hugs to you x

And you iamtherealitycheck. How long have you been feeling like this?

A good year probably more x

Have you thought about seeing your GP. You describe lots of symptoms of depression. And a self referral to a counsellor may help you to understand your feelings. It maybe that a separation will be the right thing, coming to that decision after the work of healing may make you feel more confident about it in the long term

I’ve just posted something today about my own situation. Except this is probably why my husband went down the path he did.
Please speak to him about how you are feeling . Nothing will change if you don’t talk- you are only delaying the inevitable if you don’t . Find that courage while you still have it . Go to the mirror and say ‘ I am a big girl now and I can have a big girl conversation ‘
You can do it

I think your first step should be getting a job. It may make you feel differently about your life in general but if it doesn't it will be a step towards being able to leave. I'm in a similar situation and increased my hours to full time in preparation for affording bills etc on my own.

Will you be any happier leaving if you are not sure what is making you unhappy at the moment ?
Please work on yourself first , give yourself a big hug and get help from a professional

@astuckinthemud - this is me too. I’ve been feeling like this a long time, young children to look after plus work overwhelmed me. And he didn’t support me the way id hoped.

This isn't necessarily popular mumsnet advice but....
I would not be looking at separating. Everyone is largely responsible for their own happiness and you clearly need to take steps to improve yours. You then may find that you can see a way to get your relationship back on track. It's certainly worth a good shot since you have 2 little boys involved and from what you say a husband who isn't unkind or unloving.

Your life sounds very limited and dull (as it can be when you are restricted by having young children!) but is that really your husband's fault? As pp have said, a job would probably help enormously and some sort of social life that doesn't involve your children.

I can relate totally, and I think my advice is a combo of what other posters have said.
Firstly, you need to sort yourself out, get a job and a social life/hobby outside of the marriage to build up your self esteem and independence
Try and talk to your husband and spend some quality time together to see if you can get some spark back.
Then, if you still feel the same, I think you can think about separating..but I think you have to go through the steps to understand that the situation is not just due to your dissatisfaction with your life in general, before you make big decisions.

Great advice on here, I can only echo what others have said. Perhaps also build in time for you two to connect, not as parents, but as a couple. See if you can rebuild there. But mostly focus on you. It will help anyway, if you do separate.