I want he doesn't

[jellybabi]

Hi! I'm wanting to divorce my husband of 12 years. We just can't get on. I feel completely disregarded in so many ways. There is an inane selfishness I just can't live with anymore. We have so much conflict and I'm just done. I only want good things for him and want to continue parenting together. He is a great dad and not a bad guy...just not for me anymore. But he doesn't want to split...and it's not my problem. I've been advised to see a counsellor to help us understand each other's pov and I'm happy to do that as it can bring a sense of closure and help us manage moving forward. But I don't want to try fix it. He was never keen on counselling before and even remarked I'm the one who needs it. Now he's willing to go. Sorry this is a bit of a jumble post...but please would love your thoughts? x

It's not unusual for one person to want to divorce and the other not, and it's what happened to me (I was the one wanting to divorce). Counselling together won't try to push you in to staying but it's up to you whether you want to do it or not. I found counselling on my own really helpful during the split.

Mostly you need to get to work on all the legal stuff - finances, who lives where and so forth.

I found counselling through separation really useful. I have been with my other half for fourteen years and no one understands why I wanted out when something hadn’t ‘gone wrong’

But they wasn’t the ones living in the nightmare.

As PP said, get your finances in order, get to a solicitor

If he is selfish then I question if he is a good dad. Often selfish men on separation go on to be selfish dads.

It is common for both parties to be at different stages during a divorce but usually when the reluctant partner realises it is definite they mentally switch off abd power ahead with power, I actually think men are better at this.

If you had never tried counselling then it is worth a shot but sometimes the damage is too much.

The only thing I would mention is divorce does bring about it's own challenges and therefore not a step to take lightly, especially if no abuse. If counselling can bring back some happiness then definitely worth it.

Otherwise use the counselling to get to closure and perhaps alongside start lining up a solicitor, collating finances etc to get prepared.
Housing is usually the biggest challenge. Would you have to sell the house? If children are over 7 you can work on a 50:50 asset split. Do you know if he has a good pension?