Moving divorce settlement forward

[Mylifestartstoday]

I started divorce proceedings in September. I know he received the papers but didn’t return them. I’ve just arranged to have the papers served.
In the meantime I’m in the marital home. I can’t afford to take the mortgage over, I don’t work, I was a SAHM and then for the last 9 or so years have been too ill to work. His salary supported myself and our 2 children. The house is up for sale. He won’t discuss any settlement, ignores requests to talk, ignores solicitors letters. Now I’ve had to try mediation, which I’m sure he will ignore too. He pays the mortgage in lieu of not paying maintenance. I would be slightly better off if he paid maintenance but he has threatened to stop paying the mortgage full stop if I claim CMS.
I’m stuck, I can’t move on because he won’t discuss anything. It’s tearing me and my two children apart because we can’t see an end to this. How long can he draw this out for? I’ve already spent ££ on a solicitor and can’t afford any more. He had an affair (now ended) so it’s not like he doesn’t want a divorce.
In the meantime, I’m left looking after a house that needs loads of work while he swans around playing best dad, spending ££ on one child.

I understand how awful this is, I'm going through a divorce after 20 yrs together, 2 children. Obviously, everybodies situation is different and finances are determined on wages etc. I had to take medical retirement, we have a joint mortgage, he pays the mortgage and I pay utilities. However, he does pay child maintenance as well, he is legally required to and if the mortgage was not paid, the house would be repossessed- this would not be in his interest. What I'm saying is, get some advice, a free half hour if nothing else, he should be paying maintenance! It's total shite, but hanging on to all 5he people that tell me, it gets better!

Thanks for the response, it sounds like we’re in the same boat. My solicitor says he just has to legally pay maintenance and he can refuse to pay the mortgage, which I guess he can but he will be affected more than me. I started a claim for CMSbut he threatened to stop all mortgage payments and so I backed down. Now he won’t tell me what he wishes to do with regards a settlement, and we’re just left floating around until he makes his mind up. £££ later, and not a thing has changed.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. What are your wishes in regards to divorce and settlement? Do you wish to sell the house and move out? How old are your children and how often does your stbex have them overnight? Would them cms payment be more or less than the mortgage payment? Do your health problems preclude you from working long term? How long have you been married for?

Sorry for all the questions but we might be able to offer better advice with a little more information

He can't avoid responding to papers being served forever, he has a financial obligation to his children AND the mortgage lender so it's not necessarily an either or situation.

Put the claim in for child maintenance, he can not refuse it, they will look at his earnings via his contributions. As said, if the mortgage isn't paid, his credit will be affected and he wont want the house to be repossessed! YOU will be ok! I've just hit 50, 2 teen boys, my world absolutely fallen apart, we will sell once youngest finished A levels...until then, 20 yrs of commitment, hes paying the mortgage...after all, it's an investment and he'll get a percentage once property sold...

Realistically can he afford to pay cms, mortgage and rent/ bills on somewhere else? Where is he living now? He could move back in if he’s moved out
What’s your longer term plan re getting back to work ?

Have you started a claim for Universal Credit as a single parent? If you are too ill to work there might be other benefits you can access as well. You don't need to be divorced to start a claim but check rules about savings etc first.

I'd go for the child maintenance claim if it is more than the mortgage, then pay the mortgage from it and keep the rest? Or don't pay the mortgage as the house is up for sale anyway and it doesn't sound like you will be buying somewhere afterwards? Is the option of him staying on the mortgage one you could explore? You could end up spending most of your equity on rent before you can access universal credit once the house sale goes through if you can't put it towards another mortgage. (Or a family mortgage if you have a family member who would stand as guarantor?)

It's so weird because I've been stuck in the marital home WITH my STBX because my solicitor advised me that I am liable for 1/2 the mortgage and I couldn't afford rent and the mortgage.

This may not be right so I'm willing to be corrected but does he not have to pay maintenance and half of the mortgage? Whether he lives there or not, if both of your names are on the mortgage, he is liable for half. So while he is paying the mortgage but no CM, he is probably actually paying less than he should be.

I would push for CM and get your solicitor to remind him that he has an obligation to the mortgage company also until the house is sold so he needs to contribute half. Are you claiming UC etc? Just a word of advice, once the house sells and you get your share, make sure that you put the money into another family home because if you have more than £6,000 sitting in a bank account and it won't be used towards a new family home, they will stop paying you UC. So ideally, you use your share as a deposit on another house but you may find it hard getting a mortgage with no employment so it's a tricky situation. I think some mortgage companies do take benefits into account when you apply for a mortgage and there's also guarantor mortgages where someone you know can guarantee the mortgage in lieu of you having employment

If both are named on the mortgage then they are both liable joint and severally which means the mortgage company don’t care which One pays and if one party doesn’t the the other owes it

No idea if his current arrangements and whether cm and mortgage is feasible

The mortgage repayment works out at slightly less than the amount he would have to pay in maintenance, so I would be around £50 per month better off.
I have a chronic illness that will get progressively worse, I wouldn’t employ myself. I was a SAHM and then became ill so I haven’t worked for 18 years. My children are 17 and 15.
I claim as a single parent on UC, the majority of which is for the children.
He appears to be stalling with regard to what he wants. He, I think, is happy to pay the mortgage (no maintenance) for the time being. I just worry that if he meets someone he will pull the rug and force a sale as he can’t afford a mortgage and rent somewhere himself (he currently lives with his dad, I don’t know whether this is a long term plan).
What I would ideally like is to put down the equity from the marital home on a shared ownership, then I would only have the rent portion to pay. He has verbally agreed to this, but then doesn’t put it to his solicitor. He just stalls and stalls, which makes no sense as he had an affair so clearly didn’t want to be married to me

Ok definitely enquire about whether you would be entitled to the sickness/disability portion of UC. How much equity is there in the house? If your husband has a well paying job it could be possible that you would receive a larger percentage of the marital assets given you haven't worked in nearly 20 years and you have a degenerative condition.