Managing 2 homes

[Jackeroosmum]

Hi
First post here... My husband and I are about to separate and we are telling the kids this weekend (9 and 4.5). I am staying in the house and he has got a flat about a mile away. Because of my (current) job I will stay as primary care giver and the children will go to him every other weekend from fri-mon and he will see them 2 eves a week (undecided whether at mine or his yet, depends on the kids). So my question is, how do you divide up the children's things? I don't want them packing up toys every other weekend to take away as it will upset them. So what do other people do? Should I choose a few things for them and send them over ready? This is all such a mess and as a child of a horrendous divorce that left me and my siblings hugely scarred, I want to make sure we get this right. Thanks x

My question would be - why are you dividing anything?
Duplicate - I don’t mean literally 1:1, just have toys, books, clothes etc in both places.
I know that costs more, but a lot of clothes and toys aren’t expensive, especially if you don’t buy new.

I divorced when my child was 4.5.
The only thing she has ever moved between houses is (when older!) her phone.
Everything else, she has in both homes.

Sometimes, I’ve asked, “do you want to take anything?” - for example, when she’s with her dad and it covers a dress down day at school. She always says no. She doesn’t have identical clothes in both houses - but she has clothes she loves in both houses.

For the first weekend... you could ask them to choose some toys and books that they’re going to keep at their new house - and ask them if they’d like to have replacements at their existing house too.

Don’t try to second guess it - just ask, let them feel in control.

It depends on their personalities, too. My friend sent all the familiar bedding to the new house, and replaced hers - because she thought that would help make the new house feel familiar. Not a bad idea! But my daughter’s personality? Didn’t care!

Talk to the kids - give them the option of choosing new bedding or taking existing spare sets, with toys and books get them to choose things to leave there but also (for the 9 year old) get them a backpack which goes back and forth so they can take small things. Clothes just divide up - if you can remain amicable and are close by this will work well

as someone above said just buy new stuff if it can be afforded, the only thing that our son takes between houses is his bike

I wouldn’t send too much to start with. When my child’s father moved out it was months before he had his own home we are two years past seperation and my child rarely sleeps over there as he prefers to stay with me. I left his dad to make decisions with my child as to his dads house how bedroom was to be decorated etc I have been in the house but I find the boundaries are hard. All our child’s clothes stay with me in my house same with his toys books. Things for a sleepover travel in special bag as would do with any other sleepover at grandmas etc. Our child spends most of his time with me. Technically I’m more of the parent as do nearly all parenting. We are amicable but I find things emotionally difficult. There are very few toys at dads house which his mother made my child keep their from xmas presents she gave him with emotional guilt but from what my child tells me they don’t get played with because dad can’t spend or won’t spend the time to play with them instead on dads time they either go out and about or play computer games watch tv etc. My ex tried to say he wanted half furniture etc when we were seperating (all bought with joint money) but I ignored him and told him to take it up with a solicitor if he thought so strongly. It was all threats which he says now he never said at the time. I also think you should remain flexible my child’s dad tried to accuse me of taking the kid away from him but actually now he doesn’t live here he spends tues night 6.30 TIL 8 with him and less than every other Sunday as Dad has lots excuses why he’s busy etc.