Divorce support and moments of calm amidst the chaos

[Spritesobright]

I have really been struggling with financial negotiations over my divorce. Feels like my solicitor is moving at snail pace and my ex has been hounding me to hurry up and accused me of "picking over his carcass". That was last week.

This week we seem to have had a sort of 'truce' where we spoke calmly about the process for 20 minutes. And he even offered to help me clear out the basement.

Just wondering if anyone else has some moments of calm/hope to share? (Or otherwise) It would be nice to just have people to talk through the process with.
Maybe there is a thread already that I've missed and could join.

My ex periodically clears out stuff and dumps it on me. He wouldn't let me have much other than my own clothes when he told me to leave. Not sure how positive that is but .

Gotta dash for school run. I am 6 years out of divorce scenario and can confirm that that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel for those of us lucky enough to ride the wave of shitty divorce into the calm waters of post-separation 'rubbing along OK as co-parents' -ness.

I hope you are one of the lucky ones - from the sounds of it, it sounds like you could be. Moments of calm...him offering help (you presumably accepting it)...sounds like once this shit phase is over, you might both be able to let bygones be bygones.

Oh Otter that's shit. I'm sorry. I guess your calm will come when it's over. Or just in not being with him anymore. I suppose he thinks he's being generous 🙄
User I sincerely hope so. He's still with OW and his mother went NC after the split so that makes things slightly tricky.
But the coparenting is, dare I say, ok? He communicates, he shows up, he cares about our DC.
I feel like the finance thing is creating all the tension and will hopefully dissipate afterwards.

I meant namechange sorry.

Yeah, it will hopefully dissipate once you've finally agreed on a split of everything and are then just running your own lives with your own finances independently.

We still get a bit frosty when it comes to money and I am aware that our situation is 'as long as we don't have to talk about money, we're good'. It does come up occasionally because whatever you agree in the divorce doesn't cover every eventuality (eg my ex gives me a set amount a month in child maintenance but some months I feel pissed off because there has been a school trip or something - I choose to either grumble to my mates about it but just suck it up privately or try and bring it up with him and hope it doesn't cause an argument and hope he pays half). So yeah, things will ease off generally once everything has been agreed but it might always be a sore point that you need to try to avoid or just tackle when you need to and try to move on and rebuild after.

Funnily enough, my entire family of in laws have gone NC too (like your MIL) so I know the feeling. I spent 5 years sending cards and presents at xmas to keep my end up but this year I said to ex, I think I'll stop now - that OK? And he agreed his family were weird and to just stop (he seemed to feel protective of me actually, it was rather a positive step).

All the best to you with your divorce - this is the worst bit I think. Once it's over you can start to build a new life and if I can be this bold - you can start to open your heart to him again and feel happy he is happy. It's a healthy feeling if/when you can.