Older children - financial support

[Secretsout]

Could anybody share their stories if they have been successful in securing financial support for older children (18+) for university education and associated costs from their EXH?

To complicate things a little, we are all (me and kids) NC with him due to his controlling behaviour (he's a horrible nasty narc). Children are NC through their own choice as he behaves the same way with them. He has been told not to contact me unless through his solicitor and I am not able to negotiate with him directly as past experiences has shown that he will offer then change his mind the next day.

EXH is a high earner c.£200k (I earn £35k) and I'm struggling financially with providing financial support to the eldest who started this year, youngest will go next year. Court ordered maintenance has now ended for eldest.

My abusive father voluntarily signed a legal agreement to continue supporting me through university despite my parents divorcing. He did it because he is not a complete and utter jerk and deadbeat and it was the right thing to do.

I got a full grant. However, I also worked every single holiday, especially the long summer holiday.

I will support my kids as long as They are pursuing sensible degrees at decent unis. But I will treat them as adults and, were they to go non contact with me for no reason, I would struggle to keep divvying out the money. Unless he was truly awful to your children, why are they not communicating with him? It must feel terrible to be ostracised but to still be used as a cash cow.

I will also expect them to work, at least over the summer.

You were fortunate that your generous parents supported you but that was not obligatory and as you put it, you are also doing your children a favour. I hope that they appreciate it.

45% of a lot could be a very decent settlement and still plenty to support your children.

@larrygrylls actually my DS does see his deadbeat dad very occasionally when the dad makes contact. However the very first thing he made clear was he is not paying! He got a generous settlement from ME and has plenty of money to help.

I am the cash cow.

Ok,

As I said, it is very difficult to comment on individual cases based on a couple of posts. I personally cannot ever imagine not wanting to see my children.

I do, however, still feel that adult children should not just assume parental support. Many do manage without and it is a privilege (although one I very much hope I am able to give my children).

You earlier said he was NC. If they are in contact, has he asked his father for help?

My DS sees his father a few hours a year. His father has told him he will not support him and doesn’t want more contact. My DD is not in contact because of abuse.

My DS is a very hard-working student at an excellent uni on a “proper” course. He has worked in the holidays and earned money.

If he didn’t get parental support he couldn’t go to uni. As I said earlier it’s implied by the government in the amount he can borrow that parents make up the difference. I think that is an obligation on me to do so but if I wanted to be feckless and a waste of space I could refuse. I won’t do that. This is a child who I knew was destined for academia since toddlerhood.

I would add that even if he wasn’t at uni, I would house him and feed him until he had saved for a place of his own. Other “fun” spending he would have to pay for himself. This is called being a parent. A young adult on an apprenticeship would also need parental support.

I'm just giving it from the point of view of a dad like myself who dispite being a committed dad for the last 13 years my ex wife after her affair and her abuse towards me has turned my daughter against me.
I wasn't a perfect person but I tried. Last week I got a message saying you were a shit dad just because I won't bow down to her demands and accept an awful divorce package.
The huge wedge she is driving between myself and my daughter is horrible and I'll ignore all future requests for extra money until she grows up and let's me be a dad to my daughter.
I'm not calling anyone a liar. It is absolutely destroying me though but my ex wants that as she wants to cover the truth.

Get a solicitor and see where you stand. I had to accept a “deal” which I think was wrong because that’s how the law is. But if your DD is 13 then you should at least pay CMS cash.