Ex’s new partner - custody/ child arrangements

[user765]

Been in court for 18 months after I applied for a child arrangements order and prohibited steps. Ex was abusive, coercive and controlling and had drugs, alcohol and mental health issues, of his own admittance, and the symptoms he cited were violent behaviours, triggers and suicidal thoughts and self harm. Sooooo a lot of issues with him, hence he now only has supervised contact.

Anyway, we are approaching final hearing. My position is that he hasn’t changed. His position is that I have lied (despite there being a whole load of evidence). One of his ‘mitigating’ factors is that he has a new partber, they are engaged, she is a wonderful person and would like to create a ‘family home’ for the children. I’m sure she is a lovely lady, but I was wondering how this is viewed by the court? In a way it makes me feel better that there will be at least one responsible adult in their household (but she obviously only knows his side of the story and I imagine he will slag me off with her in front of the kids, as that has been an issue in the past with his other girlfriends).

However, I feel he is trying to distract the court from his issues, and why on earth should custody be granted where there are so many risks simply because there is another adult there (who is a complete stranger to the children).

Also in the hearing last year he had a different ‘long term female partner’, who he described in a similar way and was also engaged to, but that one was an ‘Ofsted registered nanny’. This one is older, a ‘chartered nurse with her own business’. His relationships are volaltile because he cheats. He has cheated on his new fiancé, as a parent at school approached me angry because he has slept with her friend!

I haven’t even referred to any of the stuff around his partners etc in court because I can see he is just trying to distract from his own issues, but should I? Will the court take his relationships seriously and consider this when making a decision? Or is this totally irrelevant?

I am a registered nurse. Never heard of a chartered one. Nannies don't need Ofsted. I reckon he is making this all up as he goes along...

During my lengthy case my new bf was never even mentioned in court. Totally irrelevant ime. Though exh did try to use his negative past in his favour. Didn't wash either way.

I also think he's chatting bollocks. And if your barrister or even the judge are anything like mine was, they both raised inconsistencies with him directly. It was brilliant, watching him squirm and I had remained quiet.
It might have helped I asked beforehand if they would be raised. And once she started, the judge wasn't that far behind 🤣

Because of his behaviour, we were in the High Court though, never made it to family court. That hearing he wanted unsupervised with the intention of working to overnights. The judge denied the unsupervised and told him basically he doesn't trust him to have overnights, and unlike all his other sob stories this was very clearly his own doing. 🤣 He fucked off for good not long after that thankfully. I will never forget even his legal team were trying to hide their laughter.

If you can, go back to the very early cases when Article 9 was brought in. It was new and a lot of judges were centring on in the child's' best interests. Afaik, although have no legal training, old cases can be cited.

It was years ago, and a different legal battle, the same solicitor who was new in this field, would send me copies of relevant old cases, knowing I love looking for loopholes and I'd done the same with the custody case after he first sent me something I might have found interesting.

Thank you all for your comments, I just don’t know whether to totally ignore it all or raise his claims for what they are, but also don’t want to appear like I am remotely interested in whatever girlfriend he has. Although he is a pathological liar, he most likely is engaged as he has a parasitic lifestyle and leeches off whatever woman will have him.

Also, I have had a boyfriend for the last 12 months, so I guess by his terms this would be ‘long term’ but he has not met the children and the children do not know I have a boyfriend as he is completely separate. I would not want to bring this up in court as it leaves my bf vulnerable to my ex’s behaviour (he would undoubtedly make false reports to social services as he has done in the past, and also became fixated on a man I went on one date with after we separated).

I’m worried that me questioning him citing this relationship would be twisted into making me seem jealous, but also want to point out that him having a fiancé (who is a chartered nurse 😂) is no reflection on him whatsoever, other than that he’s managed to trap someone else.

I'm sorry if my advice is useless. As I previously mentioned I never went family court
Is it possible for you to get representation?
Is the solicitor able to ask him direct questions on the day?

I bloody hope so anyway,

If you have representation talk to them beforehand about your concerns with his quick engagement and breakups. Explain you couldn't give a fuck what he does, your focus in on the child, and potentially getting introduced to new fiancees every couple of months will be damaging. Stability and all that.

If you haven't got representation, get some. Doesn't need to be someone really good, they just need common bloody sense and if questions are allowed, you need someone who will question these inconsistencies.

If it's all down to you, don't focus on his private life. Instead base concerns on the lo, don't refer as my child, but ours, talk about stability and consistency and do a bit of research if you have time.

If you talk to CAFCASS about concerns it's the same - our child, stability etc. Think about the language you use to emphasis that you really aren't the bitter, jealous ex.

I assume affidavits are a part of the family court process - remember the judge will have access to the previous one and the mention of his previous engagement.

There may also be studies about the impact on children and multiple step-parents/uncles/aunts or whatever.

As the child of such a parent, as a child, it was really hard to deal with.

Thank you, it’s food to get an outsider’s perspective because I have been so immersed in this for the last 18 months.

I did have represention but my ex kept pestering my Solicitors, emailing them 10 times a day, disputing everything (he paractically admitted to doing this to drive the costs up). My estimation of costs went from 3500 to 15000 and I had to stop at 5000 and represent myself.

To be honest, I don’t really need any representation as I’ve done nothing wrong and all the issues are with him. I’ve not talked about him/ slagged him off to the kids and have taken them to see him on all the contact visits. He, on the other hand, has done a whole load of crap and has left a big fat trail of it behind him. Hence he is clutching at straws and wants to parade his lovely new fiancé in front of everyone to distract them all from his issues!

I was in a similar position and I’m presuming Cafcass has been involved. My DC Cafcass officer was v interested in the new partner esp given Ex background and that she had children that required consideration too. They will want to know this is a stable relationship and that comes from time not “stories”. They will want to see a plan to introduce etc so I do think it’s worth a mention Particularly as this isn’t the first significant other in a short period. The focus is the best interest of the child.
I had a similar view that the partner may be a stabilising influence if ex could maintain the relationship. He couldn’t...