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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Husband Leaving Me - Devastated - any advice welcome

11 replies

ABASD · 22/02/2020 15:00

My husband has told me it’s over, this isn’t what I wanted and I convinced him to try again... I could tell he was just going through the motions and I finally convinced him to be honest. He’s been seeing someone else. He wouldn’t tell me who, or any details about the person or their situation... I was crushed and completely blindsided. We have a little one together and I find it hard to believe he could of done this. A week on and he is still here. His name is on the house as when purchased I was in education and couldn’t get on the mortgage but I have always paid all the bills and everything related to the baby. He says he will move out until I save up some money, then I’m to move. I’m not to change anything, he won’t be taking anything and he will be coming here to look after the baby on the days I’m at work... I’m waiting for the anger to hit me, because everyone says that it’ll come. But at the moment, I just feel sad that I’m losing him and that he is being so cruel. He won’t tell me anything, he says it’s not my business anymore where he goes or what he does. I actually tried to convince myself I could change his mind, pathetic I know. Any advice or wisdom would be appreciated x

OP posts:
Leninahux · 22/02/2020 15:10

Your name might not be on the mortgage but since you are married the house is just as much yours. Do not move out. Go and speak to a solicitor.

Kateplaysrugbyinmydreams · 22/02/2020 15:16

You're to move? He's coming in to the house when you're not there? Errr no.

He's got a shock coming!

You need a solicitor, he will need to pay to support his family and access/custody will be properly set out.

He will be much less attractive to his new squeeze when he's paying support and you've moved on to some hunk who treats you with respect. Chin up.

Hoppinggreen · 22/02/2020 15:19

Get legal advice, you are married with a baby so he doesn’t get to call all the shots

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 22/02/2020 15:25

You need legal advice ASAP!

As soon as they check out of the relationship, always assume they will be cold and selfish.

Unfortunately it's happened to almost all my friends who have divorced, it's like they have become another person the second they decide the marriage is over.

I'm sorry OP what an awful time for you Thanks

Bathbedandbeyond · 22/02/2020 15:30

Half of the equity in the house is yours OP.

partofthepeanutgallery · 22/02/2020 15:35

hahahahaha

Get legal advice. You don't have to agree to any of that. He is deluded.

Weenurse · 23/02/2020 00:20

Legal advice and don’t move.

2018anewstart · 26/02/2020 03:13

At least half the equity in the house is yours. Get to a solicitor asap. I got a split 82.5% in my favour. Do your homework. You may not feel like it now but in the long run if you can get the finance sorted it will cause you less of a headache in the future don't give into his demands.

Also, so sorry to hear you are going through this. It's horrible but you will get through this. Surround yourself with family and friends and above all invest quality time in your child and have a little bit of me time.

The hardest thing in the beginning is seeing families around you and doing it all on your own. However, I am now so proud to be a single parent and realising that the effort I have put in to raising my children is reaping the rewards now. The three of us have an amazing bond. Focus on making your life the best life. Sending you a big hug. Xx

Monty27 · 26/02/2020 03:34

He doesn't sound very bright. Lose him.
Good luck to you Flowers

LCC10 · 26/02/2020 10:18

Firstly, as others have said get legal advice, many firms offer a free initial consultation and it's amazing how much information you can gain from these and hopefully having a better understanding of where you stand in regards to the house, access, etc will if nothing else relieve some of the stress you are currently feeling - it certainly did me.
The anger will come, eventually... Its amazing how someone you thought you knew inside out can turn out to be so very different to what/who you knew. He's had time to check out of the marriage, you haven't, you are going to grieve, and be hit by a roller-coaster of emotions and the only advice I can really give on that is to ride it out, it does get easier I promise. Use this as an opportunity to make time for you and your child and make that your focus. Get friends over for dinner - bitch, moan, cry, burn sh!t - whatever you need to do! But be honest with your support network, I spent years "protecting" my husband, playing down things he had done or covering them up to friends and family, even after he walked out I continued to do so, then one day I stopped and I saw things so differently when I started talking openly and honestly about it all and it really put things into perspective and has been a massive part of healing.
It will get better, and everyone will tell you that and you'll grow sick of hearing it, but it will! Wishing you all the best x

Mumof3withtwins · 01/03/2020 18:58

I'm sorry to hear about what he did. Men can be like attention seeking children sometimes.

Let him go and instead of thinking about being angry one day, think about laughing in his face when you get most of the house and possibly more. The first thing the court considers when it comes to finances is providing accommodation for the child(ren) and main caregiver.

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