Divorce

[Feeeeee]

Hey
Wanted some advice I’m selling my family home and going to file for divorce on unreasonable behaviour.
We have been together 23 years been married 18 my eldest moved out but I still have one 13 year old.
We split just before Xmas within 4 weeks he had someone else. I have moved things on very quickly and the house is already on the market. He has verbally agreed I can have 60% but I can’t get a mortgage and struggling to pass on shared ownership, I can use universal credit and maintenance to help with getting a mortgage and shared ownership but he is refusing to move out so I can’t apply for either.
I only earn 10k a year he earns 50k what am I entitled to from the house?
Has anyone filled for divorce on unreasonable behaviour struggling to find the right wording.

Thank you

Good morning Feeee. You really must get legal advice. Don't be diddled out of your future. Legal costs can come out of the joint pot at the end of the process or paid in installments. You don't need thousands up front. 60% of the house may sound great but it really isn't. If you've worked around the children your career and pension will have taken a hit. He has a good wage and likely a pension based on that level of earning. All those things are marital assets. Do.not be too.kind to.him. You and the 13 y o meed to.be supported.

You do need legal advice
I echo PP that you need Look at all assets not just house
You’ll probably not get spousal based on his wage and you will be considered able to increase your own earnings with the ages if you me children.
You might get higher % of equity

See a solicitor

It's more about needs and that often means the lower earner gets more of the assets particularly if you can show that your lower earnings allowed him to work for more money. He has no doubt said 60 % knowing that you can get more but it's more than half so sounds OK.
Equally. Is your 10k full time? You will be expected to try and increase your hours to maximize your own earnings unless there is a medical reason why not ..

You need to find out his pension forecast.

Thanks all I saw a solicitor yesterday and have instructed them as I can’t tell them about his earnings, his pensions bank accounts. This is gonna be tough.

Things are really starting to hit home as to what he has put me through and what he has taken from me.

I only work part time and can’t increase my hours where I am and tbh I don’t want to at the moment I want to be there for my son until he is settled but once this is over I will be looking for either a full time job or another part time job

Be aware that whilst you may not want to work more hours, there may be a presumption that you can. This means that whether you do or not, you will be assumed to be capable of earning more.

Thing is my job is all rent a chair which will cost and will take a while to bring in money, I am currently doing courses but won’t be finished for a while like I say I plan to get more hours I just want to settle my son into his new school first

Right help please am I entitled to half his pension?
Only I’ve just found out he has 4!! One has a prediction of 51k the other £44k no idea on the other two.

The pensions will go in the pot, as will your pension(s). Ask your solicitor how they see the split going in terms of house, pension, child maintenance, etc, they will know best.

I don’t have a pension. He earns around 50k I earn £10k

Some honesty he has kept me without money the whole time we have lived together (21 years) all my wages go to the joint account for bills even my family allowance goes in there I have a large credit card debt because I’ve had to buy things and he wouldn’t give me money even down to extra milk or bread.
He has emotionally killed me with comments tone of voice, no sex for years, he has on one occasion beat me in front of the children.

I need to make sure me and the kids can cope financially when this is over.

Feeeeee, everything goes in the pot. His earnings and pension, yours too. Any debts are joint debts, so that credit card debt too. Don't believe what he tells you about money. He thinks it's all his. As the main carer of the children, a typical split of assets is 65:35 with you and the kids getting/needing more. Yes you will.need to work and earn more longterm, but he already has his career established. The courts recognise your childbearing contributions and the hit to your career and Pension. You will be ok.

Child rearing!

One [pension] has a prediction of 51k the other £44k

Do you mean that it’s predicted to pay out £51 and £44k annually on retirement? (Amazing). Or that the pot is predicted to be worth that much on retirement. ( next to nothing). Or that this is how much is in each one right now, i.e. how much has been paid in?

You probably are doing this anyway but always take a photo / copy of every single document you come across so you can check all the figures are correct. Good luck OP.

From what I can make out that is payment when he retires if he chooses a lump sum.
He has literally no paper work here I found that in a draw I must of put it away when he hadn’t opened it, I have taken photos of what I found.
I’m just so scared of so much
I thought making this decision was hard but it’s just getting harder. To find he has kept pensions from me what else has he kept.

Thank you so much everyone.

I doubt his pensions pay out lump sums of £44k and £51k if hes on a salary of £50k. Everything will go into the pot and will be assessed (I.e. everything him and you have).

I wonder whether it’s the transfer value of each one. Anyway, as previous posters have said, it will all be taken into account.

I know it’s really hard but try not to worry too much. Things will eventually be better then they are now. You will be in control of your life and free of this abusive man. The money and legal aspects will slowly but surely slot into place even if it all feels very bewildering now. You’ve got this.

Tbh I have no idea I can’t think straight right now.
I’m trying desperately to limit the damage for him I’ve ignored the advice of my solicitor to get police involved and going to court to get him out the house, trying to limit the damage to his and his daughters relationship as he has someone else and has had from around 3 weeks after we split yet has told everyone but her she has heard it from others that coupled with other things he has done and not done, he’s losing her and can’t see it.
I never wanted to tear my family apart never wanted things to be like this.

Why are you ignoring the solicitors advice?

Because I can’t do it I know he will stop paying into the bills I can’t afford to pay them all and I don’t want my son to see it I don’t want my kids going into court as whiteness

Children don't go into court as witnesses. They are protected. If they are interviewed about crimes it is gently done, in private and with support.

My daughter is now classed as an adult so she would do but no matter of her age she is still my child and I don’t that for her