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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Why did you leave hubby?

8 replies

mumof2under2sohelpmegod · 18/02/2020 23:59

Just wanting to ask what was the final straw of why you left your husband?
Mine has depression and anxiety, but I don't feel he's commited to change and I can't bear the lack of love, support, happiness and intimacy in our relationship. I feel completely alone and on top of that his constant lack of joy and over sensitivity/taking his anger/sadness out on me is just draining the life out of me.

Tonight we had debate if u like, he said i just didnt like it because he disagreed with what i said, but it's because he doesn't talk like an adult, gets angry and closed, he doesn't respect or acknowledge my thoughts or opinions, for once i want him to say 'oh i see now' or 'thats interesting', even 'i dont understand why u feel that way', just gets angry and mega defensive, its so childish and i feel like he's pushing me away by wanting to row/get me into this type of conversation. When i then get riled up im being sensitive and going over the top, i try and explain again why im annoyed and i ask him to resolve the issue by listening to me and acknowledge my opinion and how i feel and then he accuses me of not resolving it.
It's just god dam relentless, i cannot reason with unreasonableness
X

OP posts:
yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 19/02/2020 07:55

It sounds like he's emotionally abusive. You have described some of the tactics emotionally abusive men use to control and manipulate you. Read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft and watch some Stephanie Lyn coaching videos. You can end a relationship for any reason, you don't have to stay if the relationship makes you unhappy. Sometimes the final straw is something trivial, mine was an argument over sandwiches but it came after years of gaslighting, lying, breaking promises etc. Don't let the fog (fear, obligation, guilt) keep you trapped. Good luck

YewandOak · 19/02/2020 08:00

He was an violent alcoholic and the last time I ended up on my back on the floor was the time I finally saw the light (besides stars) and actually pressed charges.

Purplewithred · 19/02/2020 08:05

It wasn’t a specific thing. It was the daily grind of living with someone I didn’t like and couldn’t respect. One moment I was at 49.99% leave vs 50.01% stay, next moment it tipped over to 50.01% leave and that was it. In reality I was on the journey to leave for years and had been turning over the pros and cons and doing my homework so I had a good idea of what the changes would mean. (Which got me the not entirely unfair accusation that I’d been planning it behind his back). But it wasn’t a triggered event, it just seemed to happen from one moment to the next.

Otter71 · 19/02/2020 08:38

Had got fed up of constant insults and not being able, kids started tag teaming. Constantly being advised I was psychotic and needed sectioning when I challenged anything. Eventually he packed me a suitcase, changed the locks and told me to phone a friend...

mumof2under2sohelpmegod · 20/02/2020 17:29

Wow, thank you all so much for your honesty, I'm sorry all these things have happened and all taking the time to reply! Much appreciated x

OP posts:
pointythings · 20/02/2020 22:09

He became an alcoholic after his mother died. He steadily got worse and worse, I stayed far too long trying to support him but he refused to do the work he needed to do in order to recover from bereavement.

After two failed attempts at rehab and a lot of blaming me for everything, I had him taken away by the police after he threatened to kill me. He got exactly one shot at DV - I didn't let him back.

He died before the divorce was finalised. Still drinking.

mumof2under2sohelpmegod · 20/02/2020 22:27

@pointythings I'm so sorry to hear that. Obviously you were separated but still heartbreaking and after all your efforts too! X

OP posts:
pointythings · 21/02/2020 08:48

mumof2 thank you! But please don't let your takeaway from all this be that you don't have it so bad and that maybe you should just stay married. Being single is honestly so much better than being in a bad marriage - no matter why it's bad. Go get your freedom!

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