My STBXH and I separated at the start of last year. He was cheating - shock horror - he left, came back, left again, blamed me, gaslighted me, the usual kind of thing. When we got to mediation he flip flopped on child arrangements putting me through more stress. My family don't live in the UK so I was dealing with two young children on my own through most of it who were also very traumatised. I had been a SAHM for a long time too.
It's been a year now and I've gone back to work full time, coping with having the children 6 days a week on my own. I even managed to meet someone really lovely after about six months - wasn't OLD, just met someone in a pub and we clicked. However, I've really struggled with the anniversary. I was so deep in it, just hanging on by the skin of my teeth that I feel like I haven't processed it.
I asked at the doctors surgery if I could change my name, explaining that I really struggle hearing my married name and they were really arsey about it. I don't have the absolute yet but had both my passports (old one showing maiden name) and the decree nisi. I burst into tears when they said no. Ditto having to deal with any of these things - the solicitor (divorce is still ongoing) etc.
I'm not getting counselling. My STBXH used my individual counselling to mess with my head (saying things like hope you have a good time, using things that I told him to attack me or told me my counsellor had no idea what she was talking about) and wasn't much better during our marriage counselling that we briefly had so I don't feel like that would be helpful again because of the association.
I genuinely don't miss my ex, I do miss what I thought I had but my life has changed for the better since he left and my kids are thriving. I don't feel depressed just like all the emotion is pouring out of me now I'm "safe" from him if that makes sense.