Going it alone - how much will I struggle financially?

[Breathingunderwater]

One of the main things that concerns me is how much it’s going to impact my children’s standard of living if I leave dh. They are 3 and 10.

At the moment I’m a sahm, although I’m planning on returning to work in September but I can’t see me finding a particularly high earning job.
Dh earns around £100k after tax.
The house is worth approx £300k and isn’t mortgaged.
I have no savings in my name.
Dh has about £80k plus some more in shares / bonds.
I have £175k in inheritance but it isn’t in my name - it’s been kept that way purposefully and is held in trust. But I could use it towards a house.

Basically - I could use that plus the money from this house to afford to buy a house outright. I’d be looking for something around the £220k mark.
So I’d have to spend the £175k plus another £50/60k from this house.
I’m anticipating not having a mortgage and possibly being left with some money after if we split 50/50 - although this feels unfair as it’s dh’s money and it will be me instigating this split. He won’t want it. Really I’d like to take nothing from him but that won’t be possible.

So if I was mortgage free, earning £1k a month, plus had the savings and presumably some child support from dh - is it doable? I would like to be able to not worry about essentials and have some left to take the children away in the U.K. a week a year. Dh will be able to afford whatever he likes - he will be able to take them to Disneyland etc.
Obviously I won’t be able to claim any benefits. I don’t even know if I’d get any help with childcare. I suspect not.

You’d be lonely to get more than 50% of marital assets assume you get at least 150k from the house plus some share of pension any other asset
I don’t think it’s right that you take all that though without declaring the inheritance ( pretty immoral really )
You’d get 16% of his income I think for 2 children and you should of course look to maximise your own earnings

Yes I guess so.
However it’s very likely dh will hide as much as he can from me financially and he also has a lot of money tied up in shares which pay big dividends annually. About £40 - 50k. Going forward he will have all that plus a pension plus a job that pays over £100k net.

I wouldn’t want anything from his pension or shares.

So you want a share of everything but are being sneaky about your inheritance?

No - I don’t want pension or shares. Which easily amount to £175k

The immoral issue is that you claim 50/50 of shared assets whilst hiding £175k. You are being deceitful and worse than that you intend to deceive the courts. He obviously isn’t hiding his pension or shares, you know about them and they will be taken into account in assessment of your share of the overall asset pot.

If this is found out your case will be damaged. I’m assuming your DH isn’t stupid so he will know there is an inheritance (someone relatively close must have died) and wills are public documents. He just has to present this in court to show you as a liar. Being discredited in this way means your case is undermined.

It wasn’t formally left to me.
It was my gran’s. She was aware how she was with money. She left it to my dad.

How dh was with money that should say

Hang on - inheritance is an aside.

Why should OP,s H get more than his fair share of the marital assets just because OP’s gran left her a sum of money?

OP, you should still morally be entitled to half the marital assets even with your inheritance IMHO, though I don’t know if that’s legally the case.

How is the inheritance being held ? You mention in trust . In trust for who as the beneficiary and what are the triggers for releasing it
I have no idea on the legal side but I still think Morally it’s not right

I have a quarter share in my mother's house. I can't access it until mum dies as she has right to remain and still owns half
Nevertheless my solicitor insisted on that being a marital asset because I nominally owned it for more than half the marriage. God knows...

Don't pay any attention to silly posts about morals. Go see a good solicitor first of all for financial advice about rights wrt divorce/financial settlement. It sounds perfectly manageable. You could also look into universal credit as you might be entitled if all the money goes into buying a house. I'd get legal advice before telling him anything and try to get some savings built up to pay legal bills if you can. You can use cashback on supermarket shops as one way of building up a small fund. Have you spoken to friends or family yet?

Go to see a lawyer. See what you're entitled to in reality, THEN worry about morals. Morals first is admirable, but essentially based on a semi-fiction.

ignore morals etc - ignore teh money that was your grans and is with your dad- it is not yours..yet

go to a lawyer and work out what you and your dc are entitled to for the situation you are in now.....and go for what you are entitled too.... these savings/pensions etc may not have been there without you supporting
don't be a martyr over money - and get it all sorted as early in the process as possible - the number of men that promise x,y z at the beginning and then change their minds/remarry whatever...

you need to secure you and dc life for a substantial amount of time and your earning capacity has been reduced....

OP you’re selling yourself short here. Get some proper advice. For starters if the house is mortgage free, you could stay there until the kids are in full time education. Marital assets will get split and I don’t know why the heck you’d say you don’t want pension etc.

This is a high value divorce and you need proper legal and financial advice. Not mumsnet opinions as wonderful as they may be.

With children this young you are looking at maintenance and spousal support, a lions share of the property and share of pension, savings and shares assets.

As for your inheritance. It’s either yours or it isn’t. If it’s yours, it needs declaring and it will be offset against his stuff.

May I suggest you copy all his shares and pension paperwork now, before he has a chance to bury anything.

From the sounds of it you won’t struggle for money as long as you’re not reckless.

You’re in a very privileged position money-wise compared to most.

Please don't ignore the pension. This is likely to be an extremely valuable asset that your husband has built up due to you taking on the SAHM work, and intended to support you both in retirement. By all means if you want to leave him the majority of the house, it sounds like he could buy you out in cash from that, but you'd be a fool not to take advice.

Op, you may not want half now, but it’s not your money to reject, it’s for your dcs. And things can change very quickly.

Claim everything you can, and create a university fund for your dcs if you don’t need the excess.

Noone saying morally don’t claim what’s she’s entitled to at all. But the inheritance should be declared, or at least full disclosure to its circumstances

Breathing,

If you are going to be co parents, you need to act honourably (both of you). To be fair, you sound like you want to.

So a genuine share of all assets should be declared on your form E, including the trust fund, assuming it is available to put towards your buying a house. Equally you husband should declare all of his assets including his pension.

And, you don’t say why you are splitting aside from ‘at your instigation’ but if you have a new partner lined up that you intend to live with, you also need to be honest about it.

If you go 50/50 on assets, that should leave you with half of 600k plus his pension (200k ish?). That will leave you with your house, 80k cash and some pension.

In income terms, you will have whatever you can earn and child support unless you go 50/50 in terms of time children spend with you. That should be enough to make a fresh start.

A solicitor will soon clear up whether you have to declare money that isn't yours (I am guessing a big fat no to that). Op ... is there a back story to why you have no savings in your name yet are married to a high earner?

Why are you so down about your ability to find a well paid job? I would prioritise finding a good career of some sort and retraining if necessary for it. You have the opportunity to do that and it will be so much better financially for you in the long run.

Why do you class all of the assets as DHs? Just because you haven't had a paid job it doesn't mean that you haven't contributed to those assets. He wouldn't have been able to do his job if you weren't at home looking after the childcare and house.

I would see a solicitor and be totally honest about what money and assets there are and take it from there. Don't sell yourself short though because you've already said DH would hide money's from you.

OP Please take what you are entitled to.
It's all very well being ethical and nice about all of this but divorce is nasty and you can guarantee that if he can hide something from you he will. See it as safeguarding the childrens inheritance.
My first husband hysterically wanted the house and so I gave in thinking oh well my son will get it eventually as part of his inheritance.
My son never got it because my ex husband pissed it all away. That house was worth £300,000. Also if they remarry there is no guarantee your children will get their fair share.
My ex went on a massive spending spree and wasted the lot. There is nothing left. He also bought into dodgy schemes and lost all of those.
Get at least half the house and half the pension, old age comes round fast and you don't want to be left with nothing.
The children deserve their share of the money too.
I was left bringing up my child in poverty in a tiny house I had a big mortgage on and he skipped off abroad to avoid paying any maintenance.
It takes two to wreck a marriage, it's not just about who left who.
Use your head not your heart in a divorce. There is no room for emotions here.

OP, you've had advice on what child maintenance you'd be entitled to as a minimum on a separate thread - you can easily double check on the child maintenance calculator on the amounts due, depending of nights with you. As the primary carer, this is something the children are entitled to have coming to cover their costs. They may be entitled to more, as you have indicated his income exceeds 100k net in earnings plus 40k+ in other income.

You may be entitled to some spousal maintenance, if so, likely time limited to help you back into the work place.

Please seek objective, legal advice re both maintenance and assets. You both need to declare everything, so if you have access to the details of all that each of you own, then that may come in useful. It is worth paying for proper advice, even if you have to approach your family to help you here. The assets you are entitled to is exactly that; and your children deserve for you to have all you should. This includes pensions as you were unable to accrue a pension whilst you looked after the children.

Either the inheritance is in your name, held for you in trust or not, if it is in your father's name - it is not yours. Please get legal advice on that too.

You will be entitled to child benefit. You currently are, by the way (he would need to deal with a balancing tax charge on his tax return). I hope you are currently at least claiming credits for NI purposes.

Depending on your savings, you may or may not be entitled to other benefits. If it's over 16k, probably not. But if you don't have much in savings, then check out entitledto to get an idea, it may surprise you if you are not expecting to earn a lot to start off with.

You can get some help with childcare if you are on your own. Your younger child is likely to be eligible for at least 15 hours childcare per week until at least reception age, and you may be eligible for tax free childcare. Check the sites out.