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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How to split up?

5 replies

TidaQuel · 17/02/2020 06:50

I think me and OH have come to the end of the road. We’ve been together 17 years, 3 dcs, both work full time. It’s been a long time coming but I just don’t think we like each other anymore. I have some mental health issues, I’m 47 but post menopausal, have anxiety and probably depression too. I think dp is also depressed. Neither of us are who we were when we met and I just don’t feel like I can be bothered to keep trying at it. He’s been known to cheat, I’m not sure it was physical, he denied it but there were definitely flirty messages - that was some years ago and we tried to work through it. I’ve probably never trusted him since. I sense he’s up to it again but can’t prove it.
How do we split up though? I’ve no idea how I’ll afford the house on my own and it’s only just big enough for us. We pay everything jointly so what are our options with the mortgage? Dp has started lots of projects in the house but not finished them, I’m desperate to get them done but he has no interest. I just feel like I’ll be forever living in a building site and won’t be able to afford to get it all done professionally.
I’m pretty sure that he’ll couch surf for a while and will move on quickly with someone else. He’ll probably have little interest in seeing the kids but will likely pay the minimum he has to. He won’t be the type who’ll want to share custody - more a McDonald’s drive through once a month.
I’m not worried about being on my own, more how I afford to put right all this work that’s half started or in need of doing.

OP posts:
littlegirlost · 17/02/2020 07:51

No advice sorry but following your post. I'm in a similar situation. I want to divorce and stay in our house but I don't know anything about the financial implications in divorce

Our mortgage is lower than any rent I would pay if I moved out so makes sense that I should be able to afford to stay but we have a lot of equity (maybe about £200k) so how on earth do I afford to buy him out??

He earns far more than me but all benefits calculators seem to tell me I will get something around £80 pm??? I doubt he would go for 50/50 custody as he's a workaholic and works 7 days a week so is never here any way.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way OP. It's a shitty situation. Sometimes I feel like I should just stay so I'm financially stable for my DS

Purplewithred · 17/02/2020 08:03

How old are the children? Are there any savings or pensions to take into account, or debits? Do you know how much the house is worth as it is? How much it would cost to finish off the work? Can you move somewhere cheaper? What are you prepared to sacrifice for your freedom? One of the big barriers to me splitting up was my inability to understand that I could manage perfectly well on my own income, just not as well as when married to someone earning lots more than me.

TidaQuel · 17/02/2020 08:33

My dp earns only a little more than me. He has a workplace pension but it won’t be worth very much at all. Our mortgage is cheaper than any rent id pay and I put a large deposit on it and paid equally throughout despite only working part time and earning half of what he did for years. We probably have about 4K of credits that we are paying off (kitchen etc)

OP posts:
TidaQuel · 17/02/2020 20:55

@littlegirlost sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation. Our mortgage is definitely cheaper than any rent I’d pay but doubt I’d ever be able to buy him out.
Most of the credit we have is in his name but our joint account so umm it sure how that would work either if he stopped paying it.
Our children are Yr6 - 8 so no I’d not really have childcare issues.
I think we’d all be happier, including him. I just don’t think he’ll go easily. I have tried before.

OP posts:
copperoliver · 17/02/2020 21:49

Maybe if you both sort out your depression, you might not want to separate you might feel differently x

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