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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Considering divorcing him

6 replies

WhoAmIToTellYou · 15/02/2020 13:33

Hi all.
Having an absolutely shitty day here. Been with husband 11 years, 2 kids. Been to relate 3 times. He was absolute shit when first was born, disappearing after work to strip clubs, not helping at all at home. Stayed together because of kids.
Latest stint is he’s been out of work for the past 7 months, took out 30k loan for building up his own business. We’ve been surviving on his savings and i cut out all but essential spending completely. We are now 2 months away from not being able to pay for all outgoings- childcare, home, etc. Business still not providing anywhere near enough. He won’t have any of my questions regarding this. I cannot sleep at night thinking how we are going to go on. Every time i ask about plan B he gets angry and shouting match happens. He claims im not helping him. This is with me having full time full on job, doing all the cleaning etc. Apparently i dont help enough.
Every weekend is just horrid. Same today. We were yelling at each other just earlier. I once again suggested divorce- i honestly dont see a way out, he hates my questions because he doesnt want to get a job, wants to keep trying with business. My salary is just not enough to cover all and im worried sick that he’ll be taking out more loans behind my back. He had a good job before bringing in good money and i feel he is being unreasonable putting us into this position.
My son then kicked off and i had an argument with him - not proud of that. I’m at a loss here and so stressed out. Our relationship was never great with dh and latest financial worries are just too much and are exposing all the cracks (massive cracks).
I seriously consider to just filing the papers for divorce as im worried about loans etc fucking up my situation as well.
I should probably talk so someone but not sure who- solicitor? I need to find out potential financial impact of all of this on me. It’s horrible but he seems to care more about calling himself a managing director and keeping the face than any of what i say.

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 15/02/2020 17:27

I think you really know the answer. You need to leave if he can't live in reality

albanyd · 15/02/2020 18:50

Try Citizens Advice. You can call if you can't visit a local office for help.
Sounds like a toxic environment for you and the kids- if you're working FT and pretty much doing everything anyway, may as well do it alone without him. That's the reasoning that made me leave my husband last month- best decision I've made.
You can do it.

WhoAmIToTellYou · 15/02/2020 20:51

Albanyd, do you have any kids? How are you feeling so early on in this whole thing? If you fo have kids- what are their reactions, that is my big worry

OP posts:
albanyd · 15/02/2020 21:26

I have a 4yo and an 18mo.
To be honest, before I decided to split, I was not being a great mum... I was so angry at my youngest for 'trapping' me in this awful situation (completely unreasonable, I know). Once I realised how stupid this was and how my unhappiness was making him unhappy, it became a lot easier.
My 4yo is struggling a bit but mostly because his father isn't sticking to meeting arrangements. My youngest is the happiest he's ever been and I can only put that down to the fact I'm happier and less resentful of my life. Kids are resilient and adaptable.

On a crashing plane, there's a reason they say to put on your own oxygen mask before your kids'... you need to be strong before you can care for them.

Lou15x · 16/02/2020 18:58

I'm so sorry he's put u in this situation, sit him down and talk to him about coming in to the real world. If he doesn't accept it tell him to leave as yours and the children's happiness is far more important than his xx

madcatladyforever · 17/02/2020 15:47

You really need to leave, debt is piling up and you could well be liable for it all if you are still with him, bankruptcy etc.
A free half hour with a solicitor is all you need, they will be able to tell you straight away what you are entitled to if you take the basic figures in.
They can give you a ball park figure.
Then the rest is up to you. You can save yourself a £1000 by filing and delivering your own divorce petition.
CAB can tell you what next and it's all online anyway.

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