Financial settlement advice needed please

[CrazyKatLady]

My husband has left me out of the blue and our marriage has ended. My husband has left me and moved out of our family home.

He wants to be bought out and get divorced as soon as physically possible and has been constantly pushing me since he left me.

I have been arranging everything to buy him out and have everything in place as that seemed more important than starting the divorce as I just want him out of my life ASAP.

I have only just been to see a solicitor on a half hour free appointment and was told in theory I can buy him out but that it’s not recommended until the financial settlement has been agreed.

I am just about to instruct the solicitor. I am just waiting to get paid first. I have spoken to my husband and he disagrees with what I have been told and says I’m now changing the goal posts. Despite me and him both not knowing how this process works, He’s basically hit the roof and wants his money now.

As I’ve only had a half hour free appointment I’m not really sure the reasoning why It’s not recommended to give him his money before, can anyone shed any light on this and give me any advice on this situation until I can get a appointment with the solicitor?

You need to agree a fair share of assets - which might be more or less than the share of house moments being proposed

Block him and have all contact through solicitor. Don't let him bully you with ridiculous demands. Has he got debts or something? Anyway not your problem. Don't engage with him at all. Stay strong you'll be free soon.

Blocking him is fine to an extent. Not practical if there are children. Communication via a solicitor is expensive, so don’t do that. One letter confirming you want to agree a full settlement before splitting assets will do. He just needs to get used to it. It’s normal and recommended for all parties.

For what it is worth I suspect he has had advice. That will be the same the added element that he was stupid to leave the home.

You have 2 ky advantages now. You are in possession of the biggest asset and you know he is desperate for money. That’s leverage for a better settlement.

Do everything through a lawyer

I think I'd take more notice of a solicitor than someone who I know does not know the process and does not have my best interests at heart.

What basis would you buy him out on ? 50% ? If so this makes no allowance for any pension accrual either of you have made since you've been married. Are there other assets ? Savings ? Children ? This is why the solicitor wanted a full review - to answer these questions.

You hold the upper hand - you are in the property. Do not listen to your ex-h, he only thinking about his own interests.

Solicitor is right - 2 paths towards divorce - financial and legal. Always recommended to sort financial ahead of legal.
Speak to your solicitor.

Follow the solicitors advice. Don't give him money till you have sorted out both the legal and financial settlement. This needs to include all the assets in the marriage - not just the house. So you need to add in all pension accruals, ( and get evaluations of them), declare all savings, cars and any other major assets. Until you both declare all these you don't know what share of the house he is entitled to. If he has a larger pension and savings then you will be giving him less than half of the residual value of the house. You also need to make sure that you have 3 independent valuations of the house to ensure it's valued fairly.

You don't mention children being involved but if there are then you will also need to sort out sharing their care and any maintenance due to you for them.

Don't jet yourself be pressurised by him. The fact he is doing that Aggie St's he has something to gain by doing so.

Unless you are divorcing on grounds of unreasonable behaviour you have to be separated two years before applying for a divorce. At least that's how it used to be.

I went for an official separation. Separation agreement was drawn up by solicitor and barrister, and all finance sorted.
Two years later I applied for divorce on the grounds of two years separation

Definitely all finances need sorted before the divorce. And if the divorce is heard and there is anything outstanding do not apply for the Decree Absolute until anything outstanding is resolved.

I would be very wary of being rail roaded into a financial settlement without legal involvement. He doesn't get to control how this goes. You need proper legal advice, and they need to check the proposed financial settlement is fair and reasonable to both parties. Is there a reason he is demanding this all happen so fast? That would concern me straight away. Wait until you're paid and see a lawyer for a longer period repeat to him that it's with your lawyer (he doesn't need to know you haven't engaged one yet) and that you will tell him where to have his lawyer send the proposal within the next fortnight. Are there any children involved?

Don't bow down to his pressures, SMSing everything through a solicitor now

your solicitor is 100% correct it would be madness to "buy him out" separately from a full financial settlement. until everything is laid out, you don't know what other assets there are or what a fair split would be. he may have a pension pot that is worth more than the equity in the house for example. you need to do this properly, ensuring you can both be adequately housed and that your children are secure. handing over a lump sum of cash to put the family home in your pile without lookng at the bigger picture would be a massive mistake that could backfire horribly in a dozen different ways.

Even if you are not going to end up in court any time soon, it will be useful to complete a Form D81 to get a complete picture of your assets (ie yours and his).

And do remember that pensions are often the most valuable assets. So don't focus on the house.

Thank you for all the responses.

The situation is, We we’re I thought happily married with no issues but he’s got another woman and has been seeing her for quite a while behind my back and planning their perfect future together.
They have found a property they want to purchase together, she has the funds readily available but they are short by about roughly 20% of the value of our house after the outstanding mortgage is taken off. This is what settlement he is after.

We have quite a lot of equity in our house due to a inheritance I had, he has said he wants the absolute minimum amount off me to set him up as together they will be mortgage free.

It’s basically guilt, hes happy to walk away with a smaller share as he’s walked out completely out of the blue leaving me with the kids and all the bills to pay. He’s not contributing towards the bills or even paying me child maintenance at the moment as he disagrees with what the calculator says. My wages don’t even cover the bills. He’s also had absolutely no contact with our children, hasn’t seen them since walking out or even rang them.

I’m also wondering as he wants quite a small share of the property if that’s going to cause issues with the divorce, that’s what he’s asked for but will it be deemed of unfair?

In terms of other assets we have no money at the moment as he recently wanted to put some money back into the house, we have just had a new kitchen fitted and that’s taken up all our savings we had. Our cars are of equal value, he’s only just started paying into a pension fund within the last few months.

He wants me to divorce him for adultery and has been harassing me daily to get the ball rolling.

Please, PLEASE seek legal advice from an experienced family solicitor.

I'd tell him to get a legal separation, get him to be the one to get the documents drawn up, tell him he needs to get the CSA bit sorted, as it will be declared as part of your income as needed for a Mortgage, and that you can't get one otherwise.
If he isn't taking any of your inheritance, then that should be worth it.
Does he have any savings,?
Do you?
Then go and pay your own solicitor to read the document.
Remember you can come out on top here.
He is going to have to work, so he will have to pay you CSA.

Jesus, what a cunt.

Don't worry about his share being smaller. You can't buy him out with money you don't have. He needs to pay to support his kids. You might agree that he buys out YOUR support by you keeping the equity. Then he will be ordered to pay child maints.

Ignore him. Tell him to stop hassling you and that you will come back to him when you have spoken to a solicitor. You don't have to agree to serve the petition. And even if you do, you do not need to do it in his timeframe.

Also, tell him now you want the child maintenance. From now, based on CMS calculator. It's irrelevant if he doesn't agree with it. In fact, just put the claim in through them. If he won't pay they will take it from his earnings.

Look, he doesn't get to walk out, ignore his kids, leave you financially in the shit, hassle you about it and go and live his fantasy life. He needs to pull his head out of his arse.

I'd make the child maintenance claim and block all contact with him, do everything via solicitor.

But, sadly, you may have to face up to not being able to stay in that house.

No neither of us have any savings, all our savings went into the kitchen he wanted. It’s a sore spot for me as it was his idea and he was already seeing her and planning their life together by that point.

I have no choice but to borrow the money for the solicitors as he has left me with nothing. It was all pre planned and he withdrew everything in our joint account the day he left me. It wasn’t a lot of money by the way but it’s just so low and calculated.

I will be looking into the child maintenance route and how to go about claiming.

Actually I have a question, I desperately need to sell as I can’t afford this house. Can I put it on the market now or do I have to wait for the settlement? Me and the kids actually want to move closer to their school and friends.

You need to see a solicitor.

Are there any rooms in the house that you could let while you are waiting to get a settlement?

I would tell him you need to do CSA, to get a mortgage, say bank say so.
Then see what he says.
You go through CSA, as then he can't back out.
Next get legal separation, with financials included.
Only then do you sell.

I have a question, I desperately need to sell as I can’t afford this house. Can I put it on the market now or do I have to wait for the settlement?

Honestly, take legal advice. Noone here knows the full circs. Don't do anything at all without legal advice (well, you can get some EAs round to value the house).

But it's probably just as well you do move somewhere smaller, you'll get a clean break then. He really must pay maintenance though and you should get a higher share of the equity to house the kids and buy out your future maintenance.

Divorce is not a pleasant process. you need to be ready for it. Your husband is likely to say different things to justify himself. The main thing for you is to deal with assets and liabilities. All property, bank accounts and loans must be shared. One spouse may be responsible for repaying individual loans after divorce, such as a joint car loan or housing. The goal is to make things as even as possible. For your confidence in the calculations, you can apply for a personal divorce financing loan www.getcash.com/divorce-loans. A divorce loan may seem strange, but it is often the easiest way to pay for your divorce. This is a personal loan that you take to help you with the costs of divorce.