How does one find a SHL?

[redbrix]

I am divorcing (already separated) a coercive bully. His confident expectation is that I'll slink away with very little, having raised our kids and having little earning potential (especially compared to him).

I want to fight him but frankly he's really frightening and I need someone really good behind (preferably in front!) of me! How do I find an above-average solicitor? I'd rather PM my location if that helps (though even then, how do I know you're not him?).

The likelihood of it being your OH is very low but you can search posters names to see if they are regular on here or at least semi regular

I could have written this and have been wondering the same thing. Google is full of adverts, how do I know who will really fight my corner and even have experience of dealing with bullies and narcs? Is there some sort of directory for women does anyone know please?

redbrix - good luck.

I’m looking for the same in the North West if anyone knows?
Redbrix - it is time consuming and a faff, but could you ‘shop around’ - have a few free consultations with different solicitors? I’ve done that and you can see that quality does vary.

Also I’ve found doing the research myself first helps a lot, even if to sort out the wheat from the chaff. Someone on here recommended a book which I bought for under a tenner from amazon - DIY divorce and separation. It is a really good book. Good luck xx

I think it's important to be careful about who you choose. My husband was married to someone else before me. When he divorced his ex, she initially had a very sensible lawyer. DH made a very generous financial offer in mediation, which her lawyer encouraged her to accept. She then sacked Sensible Lawyer, engaged our city's leading SHL, and the financial settlement ended up in court. SHL encouraged her to ask for far more than she was entitled to and made the process very hostile. DH's ex ended up with a couple of thousand pounds more than DH had offered in his original settlement... but once SHL's tens of thousands of pounds of legal fees had been deducted, she was much worse off than she would have been if she'd just accepted the original settlement (which was confirmed to be very fair).

By all means choose someone who will fight your corner, but try to find a lawyer who will aim to keep things as amicable as possible, rather than fighting for the sake of it.

I can help!
You need chambers.com - it basically ranks lawyers and solicitors. It's a bit like OFSTED for them (I think)
Take a look.
I looked at solicitors in my area and then typed them in to their search engine. Hope that helps. Good luck!
By the way - I have a solicitor in a firm where they get expert help as and when they need it, so my main solicitor does all the straight forward(dish) stuff and then as soon as it is looking like its complicated I pay more for more qualified people. It is still horrendously expensive - but could be worse.

Also @redbrix my ex is the same. Horrible and scary and coercive. I spent ages being told to not use a lawyer - by him and other people - but if you are in a coercive relationship then that's the only way to go, you need help. If the relationship is abusive you don't have to do mediation. That means you can save money by not going through the early stages, when you know your ex will be a nightmare and its a waste of everyone's time.

Oh and I'm the same in terms of my career being completely sacrificed and him being a mega high earner.

Thank you SO much. I love the support on here. I'll get started looking. Good advice re getting a SH but sensible solicitor!

Yes I know chances of him being on here are tiny, I'm so paranoid about him!