File for divorce or move out first ?

[cansmellfreedom]

Still putting money together etc so it will take me at least 6 months to leave my drunk abusive h. How does it work? Do I file for a divorce while am still in the house or move out first then file? He thinks it’s a joke that am leaving as I always say that yet am still here.

You can file while living under the one roof, but Id want to get legal advice first. Not in UK. Where I live once the divorce is completed you only have 12 months to reach financial settlement before you can no longer use court to get a financial settlement enforced. So filing too soon can have financial implications. The other consideration is if prior warning would cause him to escalate abuse if he is abusive. Or give him time to hide assets or run up debts. If the relationship is abusive its often better to leave first without warning. Id at least wait till I had any information you need about assets, debts, income, pensions etc. It will probably be harder to find those things out once he knows you really mean it.

Thanks for the reply. To be honest I might lose out on the settlement etc as he’s not an honest person. I just want to move and and be free eventually. And yes the abuse will escalate actually as whenever he wants to express himself he gets really drunk first and it’s HELL for me and dd. There shouting, name calling ,it’s scary. I don’t know how I ended up with this monster. Then it’s ‘morning’ and acting ‘nice’the following morning and denying everything I think will just move out first I really don’t care about what I will get or not just want to live in peace . I just don’t have family in the UK that’s why am still here. The cost of housing etc am just saving slowly, been on the council housing list for 2 years that’s not going to work obviously.

Are you reporting these incidents to police?
I didn't and it was my downfall when he eventually kicked me out for trying to fight back. So if you haven't and want him not to get custody of DD start now.
Have you looked up the local women's centre and considered doing the freedom program? Sounds like you would benefit from it and they are very good at helping women with the right way to move on from such relationships too.
They can also sometimes help with a specialist solicitor. Mine did.
Ridiculously I let him write a pile of rubbish about my unreasonable behaviour because he was maintaining the perfect persona outside the house and it was just behind closed doors Jekyll and Hyde. He refused to accept what I was saying which was what I had put up with and so I just signed to anything...
Good luck.