Have to sell the house but can't afford to buy in the same area

[MG08]

Me and my husband split last year, he is telling me we need to sell the house. I still currently live there with our young child, he moved back to his parents. He hasn't once said anything about seeing if theres a way we can stay here, me buying him out etc, he just wants to sell.

I wont be able to afford to live in this part of the country if we sell. I am also currently investigating whether he has been emotionally abusive and feel if I had to move I would prefer some distance between us as my comings and goings have already been monitored.

Would it be fair for me to move to another part of the country because I simply cannot afford to live where we currently are?

Absolutely fair

I do however think you need to get some legal advice about a financial settlement. Also to deter the weird behaviour of monitoring etc - a sol can cover off warning him about this as well

Can you buy him out? If you can't buy locally, I doubt it. Could he buy you out and would he want to? Have you broached other methods of staying there? That said if the child is only 2 a mesher order would be very long and therefore unlikely.
What is the equity and what is the value? Have you been through mediation and looked at his pension @and yours and any other assets?

How long have you been married? What you can get a mortgage for may be very different from what you think but you still have to live...

How involved is he as a parent? Would he object to you moving? If he would you have to consider proving it is in the best interest of the child to do so. How far are you thinking of going and how would you facilitate access to your child? Always a balance a

Why can’t you find out if you can afford to buy him out?

How far would you love and would you want to drive the child back every other weekend for contact?

No, moving miles away would not be remotely fair and he could probably stop you doing it.

The thing about divorce is that the same assets and income need to support two households, so compromises need to be made by both parties.

There are loads of variables which is why legal advice is needed by both sides but, ultimately, you both need to be thinking about what is best for your child. That is probably not either having very limited content with its father or spending hours going between two properties.

I don’t think it fair either

the financial settlement needs to leave you both adequately housed and with a fair share of the assets of the marriage. a fair share may not necessarily be 50:50 - eg if one person has a far greater ability to support themselves and the other person's earning power is significantly reduced because of childcare responsibilities then it might be fairer for the lower earner to have a greater share of assets.

unfortunately "adequately housed" does not mean having a mortgage for a nice house in a nice area. if you can rent a 2 bed flat in the cheapest part of town then you are adequately housed.

you need to ensure that all assets are included in the reckoning - e.g. if he is on a final salary pension then the value of that pension could be greater than the value of the equity on the house.

Thanks for all the replies. Neither of us would be able to afford to buy the other out. He won't have any interest in leaving his parents house now so he doesn't need another place to live, however I need to house myself and our child. We have no assets apart from the house and no savings. I work part time since having our child and he earns less than 20K full time. We have been married for 3 years. I don't know the details of his pension but he pays less than £10 month towards it.

It’s not up to him to sort your housing out and find a way for you to stay in the house. You need to take responsibility for yourself and investigate your options.

WRT you moving away - IMO, no it’s not fair. How would you feel if your child was taken miles away from you? As you moved how would you facilitate contact?

I know it's not up to him, I don't want to stay in the house as it is in the same area as him and I cannot live an independent life with him here. I am investigating my options, one is to move to a cheaper area, and unfortunately that means moving a significant distance as I refuse to house my child in the cheaper areas where I am now as we ourselves didn't want to live in them when we were buying a house.

Increase your hours and go full time? Are you including cms in calculations ?
What equity is in the house ?

Remember assets of the marriage isn't just the equity of the house. My stbxh has a far, far larger and excellent pension- mine is minuscule in comparison. Pensions are counted as assets too.

one is to move to a cheaper area, and unfortunately that means moving a significant distance as I refuse to house my child in the cheaper areas where I am now as we ourselves didn't want to live in them when we were buying a house.

Take into account the costs and time required to drive your child back for contact. It's possible that a court would order you to do the majority of the driving, as you moved away, so calculate how much that would be and when it could occur.

If it's still viable, then you can explore the idea, but he may take you to court to stop you from moving away with your child, and then you may have to look locally again.

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn op’s ex puts £10 a month in his pension. I would Assume from that it isnt anywhere near the same amount as your exdh’s

It is not as clear cut...just because he is happy to live with his parent's for now does not mean he is adequately housed for the future. Like you he will need his own place.

this is clearly a very different situation than a lot of the similar threads we get on here, and a lot of the "standard" advice (eg pension) isn't going to make that much difference.

the reality is that OP&ex were already pretty low income already before this split. tbh I am unsure how you got a mortgage in the first place if his income is only £20k and you get a very low income from part time work.

I agree given all you have told us that selling the house is the only rational thing to do. neither of you can sustain it on your own and neither of you can afford to sacrifice any of your share of the very limited pot in order to facilitate the other keeping the house.

I think you have to accept, OP, that you are not among the winners of life's lottery who get the security of being an owner-occupier of their home. I am sorry to say this but I can't see a path for you to sustain home ownership any time soon. if you get a will paid full time job once DC is in senior school then maybe, but not before then unless you meet Mr Right and he happens to be wealthy.

you need to get yourself and DC onto the social housing register asap, but first you need to establish what rules will be used to judge whether or not agreeing for the house to be sold would count as "having made yourself intentionally homeless" - it would be cruel and irrational to define you as such but I have no confidence that the system is likely to be kind or rational.

and I cannot live an independent life with him here.

Unfortunately, its not about you living an independent life. You may be able to live away. You may not.

He could block it. Especially if you dont have the means to do at least half the travelling for contact. He must be fine with it and not even try and block it.

In your op you say he hasnt even looked at wether you could buy him out. You know you cant. And it's not his responsibility to look in to it. The fact that he might or might now live with his parents forever, wont impact anything either.

Also, the fact that you didnt want to live in certain areas as a couple is different. You were a couple. You cant afford that now.

Honestly, its shit. I moved to a cheaper area one that we would not have consider when I was married. I bloody love it. Woukdnt have been my first choice. I could move again, but I am staying through choice.

Sometimes moving away is best for all involved including the child. But it has to be in the interests of the child. It's all quite complicated and you need specialist advice.

Did someone else gift you the deposit for the house? How long did you live together before you married?

Unfortunately the reality of a split often means the family home has to be sold as that is the major asset. You also need to look at how your child will still be able to have both parents in his/her life, I'm in Aus so laws are different but you basically couldn't move too far away here. Bottom line is it's not about you, the priority is your child and you don't get to decide that dad doesn't have contact because it doesn't suit you. Harsh I know, separation sucks.

Hi OP I'm/was in a similar situation. When I divorced I had a very good salary (they let keep my city job and work remotely - this move was more my exH job and we moved to a very deprived county with no real job opportunities for me) so when we agreed on dividing assets I loved out as I could easily find somewhere else by myself etc..

I had the terrible luck of being made redundant almost as soon as ok the divorce was settled. I had to use part of my settlement to love from it and could move back to London and get a decent salary because of our 50/50 agreement.

Some years later I remarry (,I'm still.stuvk here so still.on MW) it's only because we're using both salaries is that we can get a mortgage. we had to move 30mins away from school which makes school runs awkward to say the least.

Without my DH my only options would have been to either move to a very undesirable area and have longish commutes to work and school or enter a very expensive and lengthy legal process to be able to move out of this "wonderful' county.

I don't have much advice apart from you might not have any other option but to suck it up