My husband had a bit of a breakdown after our son was born (as per previous posts) and we have now separated. It was a long drawn out process and despite us splitting up as a couple over six months ago he has only just moved out of the family home and now I feel bereft all over again. I never stopped loving him but he was very angry following the birth of our son and as a result would often have severe moods were he would stonewall me, not show physical affection or love, shout at me, drink to excess, and occasionally destroy things in the house. Eventually, when our son was eight months old, realising I was walking on egg shells and not wanting to bring up a child in that environment I gave him an ultimatum. Change and start being supportive or I would leave. Whilst not making any huge changes I would say over the last six months he became on the whole, far more like the man I met and fell in love with (but by this point I no longer asked anything of him as we weren’t a couple and felt if I asked anything of him he would use it to control things).
Now we are living apart I am worried I was too hasty in making a decision and not putting more work into trying couples counselling. My family are relieved we are separated and felt the relationship was unhealthy - which for the last year, since our son was born it was. But I feel I’ve maybe I let them pressure me into making the decision too quickly to leave. I have always wanted to make my husband happy and have always felt responsible for his happiness in some ways (he had a terrible childhood and I am the main breadwinner) but when he started treating me badly I knew I couldn’t cope with all of the responsibility and had to think about what was best for me and our child and also for them growing up looking to role models of healthy relationships. However I know there is a lovely man in there and I’m hoping he might be willing to put the work in to get some help and make some changes. Or is this just me being scared and hanging onto a dream that has flown away. We were so close and it makes me so sad that our little family unit is no more. Even though we’ve been separated technically for many months, it feels like I’m grieving again.
On another note no matter what he put me through he’s been a brilliant Dad and is very hands on.