Child Maintenance

[jeshow]

I'm just after some advice regarding child maintenance and hoping that someone out there can help!

I separated from my wife a year ago. We have two children together. The children spend an average of three days per week with myself (though more during school holidays) and four with their mum.

In addition to paying for their childcare on the days they spend with me I have been paying their mum £250 per month on a voluntary agreement. However, my question is whether this is too high a payment?

We have both carried out a CMS calculation, however I feel it is an inappropriate calculation as it assumes (as far as I'm aware) that the receiving parent is responsible for all costs relating to the children (though do correct me if I'm wrong!). Just for context, the children have a home with me. They have all the clothes they would need, school uniform that I've purchased, shoes etc.

I have proposed to their mum that we total up the costs she faces in raising the children and agree on a division of that between us so that we are both contributing our fair share towards their upbringing.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation? Are there errors in my thoughts?!

Thanks for reading :-)

Your error is in assuming there is some great logic and justification of the CMS calculation. There isn't, it's just a rough/ready sum. So, it doesn't take account of the direct costs people may be paying; costs of transport; higher/lower needs, etc.

You can decide not to use the CMS calculator and reach a private agreement, but at the end of the day either party can enforce the CMS calculation on the other if they so wish.

What do you think is in the best interests of your children? IMO that is most important question you need to asking.

If you do 3x52 it's 156 days. 4x52 is 208. That's quite a difference. How much extra do you have them in the holidays? Add that in and see how many more days it is that she has them than you over the year. If that's what has been assessed that's what you need to pay, as a minimum. If affordability is an issue, look at your out goings, look at extra work in the time she has them. Cms is only about - 18% of your gross salary so any more you earn will be 82% yours still.

"However, my question is whether this is too high a payment?"

No. CMS is the legal minimum the government will attempt to enforce. Paying for your DC to the best of your ability and as generously as you can, is a separate moral consideration.

What sort of parent do you want to be? Can you afford to be that person? If so, do it. If not, get as near as you can

You could of course move to 50/50 and pay nothing

You have to pay at least the CMS calculation. That’s the legal minimum based on your circumstances (income, time you have children, number of children etc). The CMS is a poorly run operation that fails to take into account all sorts of variations in circumstances but it’s the legal authority on child maintenance and it’s what the courts will use to base a child maintenance order in should you refuse to pay the minimum. So save yourself the waste of energy and time and just pay what it tells you to pay.

Thank you so much to all of you for taking the time to respond.

Of course, my children's interests are always my priority and I will put them first.

It's been very useful to have an outsiders perspective, so thank you once again. :-)

In my experience in these kinds of situations costs between parents are about equal, and I agree it's a ridiculous assumption that goes into the calculations that the receiving parent pays for all additional costs when in reality it's often just a subsidy for their lifestyles.

So what can you do? Well as a poster above said you can go for 50:50 care. You can talk to the mother and see if she will make a different arrangement. However she can always just get a CMS ruling in her favour in this instance, and is would be hard to get an "equal day to day care" ruling due to the discrepancy in your term time overnights.

But it's not equal care, it's a 4/3 split. Depending on how those are arranged the mother may have more childcare costs. I really get irritated by the 'funding her lifestyle' thing.. Resident parents are actually allowed to have disposal income after allocating almost certainly more than 18% of their income to their kids. Any maintenance goes toward the resident household. Provided the kids are well cared for, fed, clothed, have hobbies etc, the fact that the RP might have a car, a holiday a night out or a haircut does not mean that the nrp is funding their 'lifestyle'. More common is the RP facilitating the NRPs largely childcare free existence on 82% of their salary all to themselves other than some Disney parenting 4 days a month. That's my common experience. I have no doubt others will disagree but OP, please just try and see your kids right and not see it as giving the ex money.

Just to add... I haven't mentioned about funding my the lifestyle of my ex (though I can see others have). My concern has only ever been to do the right thing (which has now been agreed by both parties).

I adore my children. They are my world. I would happily take care of them 50/50. The current working commitments of myself and their mother currently favour the c.40/60 split we have in place as it is in the interests of the welfare of our children.

Thanks again for all the replies folks.

it might cheese you off, but funding the other person's lifestyle is exactly what he is doing.

Giving the ex £3,000 a year for her extra 39 days with the kids means she would have to spend over £150 a day on the child to equalise their incomes, everything else being equal. That's just a stone cold fact.

Yeah but she won’t necessarily have £150 of expenses on a daily basis, it will be on things like school trips, extra PE/sports gear, music lessons/instruments, other hobbies etc. Collectively that could easily add up to £3k over a year. My DCs hobbies alone cost over £200 a month. And they’re not particularly expensive ones.

Yep. 2 pairs of clarks school shoes plus trainers and football boots, easily £200. Every month there is something 'extra', a school trip, membership fees, a new coat. Just having them with you.. A magazine each from tesco is a tenner. A drink and cake stop at Costa, for three of us can easily be £15. No its not essential, but if makes life nicer for all concerned and it adds up. I do think sometimes nrps start to see their children as abstract things. Eg my ex refused to allow our dd to stay with me one weekend so she could do a particular activity. She was gutted, I had to break the news and cope with the fallout. He just wanted to stick to the principle of not budging an inch on any request from me. He won't fund hobbies etc but doesn't have to be the one explaining why they cant do it. OP you sound like you have their best interests at heart. Do try to keep it that way

Agree you do sound like you’re keeping them as your priority. I think people can get very caught up on making things exactly equal and it causes a lot of stress and most of it is on the children. You don’t want to get to the stage where you’re reminding a 4 year old to bring back those socks they’re wearing because they’re “daddy’s socks” (not daddy’s actual socks- socks from daddy’s house - true story- from my ex ) or wanting a breakdown of your exes shopping receipt so you can see what she spent that was just for her and what she spent on the DC that was a luxury rather than a necessity (true story- friends exhusband).

If you find you’re struggling financially you could revisit the child maintenance payment but personally, I’ve always looked at my other bills first before reducing what goes to my DC.

@HugeAckmansWife This is what gripes me, if you choose to go to Costa or buy a magazine that is your issue and should not be part of maintenance, it is hardly a priority and quite frankly why should the NRP fulfill that?

The NRP still has to fund for activities after giving percentage of their income.

4 days a month out of 82% of their income. I have to fund the other 26 days. And saying you don't have to do costa etc no, you don't but this is where theory and reality diverge. When you have tweens, used to doing this sort of stuff, to say no every single time makes for a pretty joyless existence, but the ex doesn't see that cos he's not there. The hobbies and activities I fund are what they do through the week, regular activities etc. He rarely does anything with them on his weekend,.. They just hang about but you can do that for 2 days at a time. If I did that for the other 26 I'd be a really poor parent. Cns is a contribution to essentials. I don't divide my salary, the maintenance and CB into separate pots, it totals up to my monthly budget so I can't say it covers this exact thing, but however you want to view it, his contribution is 18% of his wage. He has the remaining 82% to spend on himself and them only 4 days a month (his choice by the way). I guarantee I spend more than 18% of mine on them and if I didn't social services would be involved.

if you choose to go to Costa or buy a magazine that is your issue and should not be part of maintenance, it is hardly a priority and quite frankly why should the NRP fulfill that?

Unless the NRP never grabs a coffee out or has a bottle of wine with dinner or buys a newspaper or goes to the cinema or has a McDonald’s/Burger King etc then of course they should be contributing to little treats for their DC. Maintenance is to ensure the children are sharing the benefits of their NRPs income as if they were still sharing a home with them. If NRPs income affords them some treats then the DC are entitled to a similar lifestyle.