Advice on mediation with EA partner

[UncorrectedDoormat]

I think I'm going to have to go to mediation on contact arrangements for the DC and for financial settlement with my stbx who was EA for years and I now know also financially abusive.

I'm a confident, strong person but it gives me serious anxiety to have to be in the same room as ex.

Any advice from people who have done this before? We have an experienced mediator, but my ex is a master of superficial likeability and paints me as a controlling, lying bitch. I am.worried that I will come across badly because I somewhat shut down on his presence and seem cold and business-like.

I don't want him having more contact than he currently has because DD (8) is anxious about being with him and he wasn't an involved parent before the split. DS (10) has ASD and they have a strained relationship because DH doesn't really accommodate his needs well.

Does it have to be in the same room? Mine was done over Skype and it helped a lot to not be in the same room, and to not actually have to look at him on the screen. I just kept my eyes on the mediator.

You can do shuttle mediation where there are separate rooms?

Doormat, I didn't think you did mediation if the relationship was abusive because you absolutely cannot reason with a manipulator.

It was no-go in my divorce but that was 2 years ago so I'm not sure if things have changed.

Can you make it very clear to the mediator that this man is very manipulative and that you must not be in the same room as him? I hope you have a solicitor too advising you

I've always downplayed the level of abuse and the impact on me. I fully internalise his perspective that as he wasn't hitting me he wasn't a bad husband. I feel so utterly stupid typing that.

I'll ask for shuttle mediation. That sounds perfect for our situation.

Uncorrected at my MIAM appointment with the mediator I said the same thing - that I wanted shuttle mediation, that I couldn't be in the same room etc etc - I also explained that exh had dragged the divorce on for over 2 years delaying and ignoring and being downright obstructive, and that although I'd have loved everything to be sorted amicably with mediation, I was scared that he would use the process to further obstruct. The mediator listened to me, agreed we weren't suitable for mediation and signed Form A (I think) so I could apply to court. Please don't mediate with an abusive man