Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex has withdrawn permission for holidays abroad

51 replies

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 23/01/2020 08:19

I split up with my ex-husband due to domestic violence. He is still abusive towards me and he refuses to have a civil conversation with me.

I have the divorce paperwork but there was never a court order or residence order or anything official drawn up for our child. I am the resident parent.

I have already booked a holiday and sent a polite courtesy email with the dates, flights and destination on as I usually do. I've had an email informing me that he has withdrawn his consent for her to travel abroad and will be informing the border agencies to prevent me leaving the country with her. There is no valid reason for him to do this, it's just sheer spite.

What steps do I need to take to get permission from court to go on holiday?

I have travelled abroad for holidays several times in the past with her. We visit museums, Churches, natural history sites and so on, so she gets a lot of learning from holidays. All my family is here, my dogs are here, my job is here and I'm a homeowner here. It's clear I'm going for a holiday and not intending to stay abroad and the holidays are beneficial to our daughter.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 24/01/2020 17:36

TBH @MabelCloth while I've been checked numerous times, I've never had a letter to say it was OK. And what I meant by 'credibility' was that surely there's recognition that people like the XH in this situation could be acting maliciously?

stevenage42 · 24/01/2020 18:21

How old is your child? If she is of a reasonable age, perhaps she could ask him outright why he is refusing?

expatinspain · 24/01/2020 18:30

What border agencies is he going to alert? How would one even go about doing that? I think he's been watching too many movies. He could go to court to get a prohibitive steps order to stop you leaving the country, which wouldn't be granted. He could also call the police who can issue a port alert, but again doubtful that they would do this as it would only be done in cases of child abduction. He's just being a twat. Ignore him and go away, if he's that bothered he can apply to the court and the judge will see how manipulative he is had he'll be laughed out of court.

TeacupDrama · 24/01/2020 18:42

ok if you just go you will probably be Ok however as this is a special thing you don't want it ruined or delayed by a fuss at airport so I would go to court if your child is over 12 they will take their opinion into account

wibdib · 24/01/2020 22:27

If your ex is vindictive and you’ve given him the details so he can pass them on, then you’re no longer at a vague risk of being one of the random single parents double checked, they’ll easily be able to flag you in the system which is a big risk if this is a special trip that you won’t be able to repeat.

There’s a department/number that is sometimes referenced on here for people to flag up when they are worried their dc might be spirited out of the country by an ex or whoever. Might be worth contacting them to see if they can advise...

pointythings · 24/01/2020 22:31

I'd just get the child arrangement order. He's going to keep pulling this shit so he can control you - you will get the order because what you want is reasonable, and so can spike his guns.

Doyoumind · 24/01/2020 22:36

If you are going at Easter you might have trouble with a CAO because of the timings. You probably need Specific Issue Order and then a full CAO after that. I'm not a solicitor but I've been through the family court both with a solicitor and self-representing.

If you can afford legal advice get some asap.

Merlinite · 24/01/2020 23:31

Get legal advice, please don't make any decisions based on public forums. Depressing that there are so many vindictive ex's that couldn't care less about how their DCs might be feeling :(

BillieEilish · 30/01/2020 12:49

DD and I have been stopped numerous times, she was once taken off to be questioned.

Morocco
Canada
England many times

Even flying into Bristol I was asked her birthday, she was asked who I was etc etc...

She has a Spanish passport though and mine is English. We have the same surname.

I always carry a letter of permission, you really have to these days.

(Last 5 or 6 years?)

It is the law.

BillieEilish · 30/01/2020 12:50

Hague Convention. You don't want to be arrested for abduction.

Vickyglitz · 30/01/2020 18:10

In similar situation - you will need to apply for a court order to go or at least get solicitor to send threatening letter re court proceedings. If you go without it's child abduction

Vickyglitz · 30/01/2020 18:20

If you go without permission it's child abduction*

Marmight · 31/01/2020 23:15

Get a Specific Order Issue to get the courts permission to take your DD for this holiday and then a CAO in place for any future holidays.

Will cost £215.
You can do it yourself with no legal representation.

I had to do it last year and it was quite straight forward.

Ex withdrew permission for me to take my DS to a European city as a birthday treat.

He failed to turn up to the initial hearing and the court phoned him to ask what he was playing at.
I got the court order for the trip there and then.

If you get the CAO, it takes all power away from him with regards to holidays.

Original poster
YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 10/02/2020 13:43

Just an update. I've submitted the C100 form and have asked for permission to go on holiday.

I haven't heard anything so rang this morning and told it's still in a pile waiting to be looked at as the court have a backlog.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 11/02/2020 23:21

Just keep ringing. My friend had to do this.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 11/02/2020 23:23

Chase chase chase. At least he's told you in time to get your papers in order, though of course that wasn't his intention. What a vile man, your poor dd having that for her father.

conduitoffortune · 11/02/2020 23:32

I had to get a specific issue order rather than a child arrangement order. I didn't have grounds for a CAO as my ex wasn't arsed about contact, just didn't want me to take DC on holiday.

After laying out all that money for the Order, I wasn't questioned once when taking DC on holiday which made me feel as if I shouldn't have bothered, but last time we went away I was absolutely interrogated at border control and was glad I had the Order!

Meeeh · 12/02/2020 13:57

I don’t want to upset you but you’re going to be lucky to see the northern lights in Iceland at Easter

Marmight · 12/02/2020 20:27

@Meeh

I got my specific issue order in nine working days from when i submitted my C100.
My ex only withdrew his permission 3 weeks before the trip so i asked for an emergency hearing and got it.

@YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan
Keep chasing and good luck Smile

HavelockVetinari · 12/02/2020 20:30

Do you have the same surname?

titchy · 12/02/2020 20:43

Yeah you won't see the Northern Lights at Easter I'm afraid. Lots of other amazing things to do and see, but NL are strictly winter only.

Northernsoullover · 12/02/2020 20:56

Titchy my friends ex tried to stop her going 3 weeks before going away. She managed to get away. I can't say if the OP will be this lucky but I wouldn't write it off yet. It may well be worth speaking to the tour operator to see if there is an option to move the dates.

BGJmum · 05/07/2020 14:58

Sorry to jump on post but i have the same type of question, i have a 1 year old and we are due to go to greece (if everything keeps getting better) in october, her dad is on borth cert but we are not together. I have diff surname to my daughter, will i need letter from him to go?

SoupDragon · 05/07/2020 15:02

*BGJmum You are best off starting a thread of your own as people are mostly just going to answer the opening post in this one.

That said, if you are on good terms with your ex then a letter is never going to be a bad thing. Failing that, her birth certificate is helpful.

SoupDragon · 05/07/2020 15:03

I meant to type @BGJmum